I cannot do this I feel so miserable this is the worst Ive felt in a long time I couldnt look anyone in the

eye I feel like shit there is some strange metallic taste in my mouth I think my mouth is just bleeding because Im chewing it up I feel terrible I have this cloud of shame hanging over my head I have so much shame why did I watch that movie it just made me further realize how much shame I have it brought everything back the main character was a sex addict how do I even connect to that Im the polar opposite why am I even asking I know exactly how I connect to that I connect because we both have shame but cant stop being who we are we both hate who we are and oh my god I hate myself so much sometimes but more than that I just hate the way my mind works and how I cant feel anything good without a windfall because thats exactly how it was I was all happy because I loved someone my friend said Amrita I think youre falling in love even though I couldnt tell them I was still feeling good that I loved them and then I woke up in the morning and realized how fucked up that whole thing was and I actually felt something else I felt revulsion at myself that was the thing that dominated my entire day not just revulsion but shame at my revulsion I know that we all have shit and thats the purpose of loving someone you can dump your shit on them and they can do the same maybe you will both help each other become better people or something I dont think thats really how it works though I mean I talk a lot to an extent that Im embarrassed of but there are plenty of things that I will never say out loud because I think vomit might come out instead of words.