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Week #1. Volunteer Personal Development Material and Tradition Elements for this Block.
Conflict Style Worksheets, Caritas Manual (see below) The Amazing Intelligence of Crows: Joshua Klein on Ted.com, 1 Corinthians 12:12-30
GOVERNANCE
Challenges and Conflict
Most Americans do not know what their strengths are. When you ask them, they look at you with a blank stare, or they respond in terms of subject knowledge, which is the wrong answer. Peter Drucker, Now, Discover Your Strengths Objectives.
This lesson plan is designed help participants develop an awareness of their own personal leadership and conflict styles. This self-education will allow them to develop a keener sense of how they complement others on their team and how as teachers and learners adaptability is key to wellbeing. Participants will: Learn their conflict style and response preferences. Articulate their personality and conflict styles. Consider how their strengths and styles match up and conflict with others.
For this session, please plan to spend 70-90 minutes together. Materials You Will Need.
Caritas Manual Conflict Styles Worksheets and Quizzes Handouts Pencils and/or pens White board or newsprint or flip chart
Allow participants 3-5 minutes to complete the task. Afterwards, allow participants to pair up with one another and discuss which animals most describe them. Allow 3-5 minutes for pairing debriefing as well. Ask participants to discuss the following questions: What do you think is your most common response to conflict? How does this response change according to who your conflict is with (family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, housemates)? According to the situation (work, home, public venue)? What are the strengths and weaknesses of the response styles? Part 3: Identify Your Preference for Conflict (10 min.) At this stage, participants will be asked to reflect on their personal preference for dealing with conflict. You can say: Each of us has different ways that we respond to conflict. Our conflict style shapes the way we respond to different situations and the approach we take to difference scenarios. Take a few minutes and take the Conflict Quiz. This quiz will help us map how as individuals we each respond when conflict occurs and as it persists and escalates. Allow participants 7-10 minutes to complete task. Say: Take a moment now and really consider the description of the conflict style that describes you. Note the differences/similarities in your style as conflict escalates or persists. Does this seem right? Can you think of different scenarios where you have responded in this way? Discuss with those around you what you scored in calm and storm. Allow participants a few minutes to discuss among each other whether or not they think the quiz rightly identified them or if a different style is more appropriate. As they continue to discuss among themselves, take a couple of minutes to draw the following on the board. Part 4: Mapping Our Styles (7-10 min.) During this portion of the activity, the facilitator will map the way in which the participants each handle conflict differently. This map will demonstrate visibly how team chemistry is affected by conflict in the calm and in the storm. It will also give the participants a way of seeing how those with whom they share a common work may handle situations differently and be in need of a different kind of space or input/direction. On the board/newsprint draw the following:
Forcing
Collaborating
Compromising
Accommodating
Avoiding
Choose one color marker for calm and one marker for storm. Using the participants initials map out everyone in calm. Next, using a different color, map out everyone in storm. Once you have finished this, note where the team falls on the scale. Note the way in which different people on the team fall in different areas. As part of your debriefing consider and ask these questions: What do we see about how we as a group are when there seems to be little conflict? What can we see about the way in which our temperaments manifest in the calm? What should we note about how our community/workplace is affected by conflict and the escalation of feelings? Which people gathered here seem to have the hardest time communicating during conflict? How does this information help us to think about and work better towards our common mission?
Prayer. 1 min.
For the closing prayer, invite everyone to stand (as they are able) and to join hands with one another. Have some of the group face towards the middle part of the circle, and other parts facing the outer part of the circle. Then, as the facilitator, you can pray (or have someone in the group): God of calm and conflict, of unity and discord, remind us daily of your ongoing presence in the midst of life and work. When there is calm, speak challenge. When there is conflict, gift understanding. Above all, in your wisdom, unite us to your common work for justice in the world as your body in action.
When you have an issue youd like to address with someone, you can use the following framework, substituting your own words for X, Y and Z. (This tool is effective, but both people need to be committed to the process on some level): When you do X I feel Y Because of Z And what I need from you is The listener has a chance to respond, but only to the request being made. He or she can respond in one of three ways: Yes, I can honor your request; no, I cannot honor your request; or maybe. In the case of no or maybe, its helpful if the listener explains his/her response. Here are some examples: 1. When you schedule meetings without telling me, I feel frustrated because it often means I cant attend, and I would like to be present. What I need from you is to write me a quick note or leave me a message when you schedule something I need to be a part of.
2. When you interrupt me, especially in front of other people, I feel angry, because it makes it seem like I have nothing important to say. What I need from you I simply to let me finish my sentence and not assume you know what I am going to say. 3. When you monopolize the conversation in this group, I feel disappointed, because I feel like we are missing out on a lot of other perspectives in the room. What I need from you is a sense of how much you have already contributed, and a commitment to talking less and encouraging other people to talk. 4. When you leave dishes in the sink, I feel frustrated and disrespected, because it makes me think you dont care about the state of our kitchen or my feelings. What I really need from you is for you to make more of an effort to clean up after yourself or for us to create a job chart, so that you have other responsibilities instead of washing dishes. The X-Y-Z formula may sound awkward the first time you use it, but stick with it because it really works. It gives people a framework to use so they can concentrate on what they need to say, without having to worry about the best way to say it. It also allows for basic information to be conveyed in a way that gives the listener specific and useful data. And, it allows for assertiveness, rather than passive or aggressive communication.
PART ONE
When I first discover that differences exist: A. I make sure that all views are out in the open and treated with equal consideration, even if there seems to be substantial disagreement. Not at all Characteristic 1 2 3 4
Very Characteristic
B. I devote more attention to making sure others understand the logic and benefits of my position than I do to pleasing them. Not at all Characteristic 1 2 3 4 5
Very Characteristic
C. I make my needs known, but tone them down a bit and look for solutions somewhere in the middle. Not at all Characteristic 1 2 3 4 5 D. I pull back from discussion for a time to avoid tension. Not at all Characteristic 1 2 3 4 5
Very Characteristic
Very Characteristic
E. I devote more attention to the feelings of others than to my personal goals. Not at all Characteristic 1 2 3 4 5 6 Very Characteristic
F.
I make sure my personal agenda doesnt get in the way of our relationship. Not at all Characteristic 1 2 3 4 5 6 Very Characteristic
G. I actively explain my ideas and just as actively take steps to understand others. Not at all Characteristic 1 2 3 4 5 6 Very Characteristic
H. I am more concerned with goals I believe to be important than with how others feel about things. Not at all Very Characteristic 1 2 3 4 5 6 Characteristic I. I decide the differences arent worth worrying about. Not at all Characteristic 1 2 3 4 5 6 Very Characteristic
PART TWO
If differences persist and feelings escalate: K. I enter more actively into discussion and hold out for ways to meet the needs of others as well as my own. Not at all Very Characteristic 1 2 3 4 5 6 Characteristic L. I put forth greater effort to make sure that the truth as I see it is recognized and less on pleasing others. Not at all Very Characteristic 1 2 3 4 5 6 Characteristic M. I try to be reasonable by not asking for my full preferences, but I make sure I get some of what I want. Not at all Very Characteristic 1 2 3 4 5 6 Characteristic N. I dont push for things to be done my way, and I pull back somewhat from the demands of others. Not at all Very Characteristic 1 2 3 4 5 6 Characteristic O. I set aside my own preferences and become more concerned with keeping the relationship comfortable. Not at all Very Characteristic 1 2 3 4 5 6 Characteristic
P.
I interact less with others and look for ways to find a safe distance. Not at all Characteristic 1 2 3 4 5 6 Very Characteristic
Q. I do what needs to be done and hope we can mend feelings later. Not at all Characteristic 1 2 3 4 5 6 Very Characteristic
R. I do what is necessary to soothe (or calm) the others feelings. Not at all Characteristic S. 1 2 3 4 5 6 Very Characteristic
I pay close attention to the desires of others but remain firm that they need to pay equal attention to my desires. Not at all Very Characteristic 1 2 3 4 5 6 Characteristic I press for moderation and compromise so we can make a decision and move on with things. Not at all Very Characteristic 1 2 3 4 5 6 Characteristic
T.
Assert your views while also inviting other views. Welcome differences; identify main concerns; generate options; search for a solution which meets as many concerns as possible; search for mutual agreement. Perspective on Conflict. Conflict is natural, neutral. So affirm differences, prize each persons uniqueness. Recognise tensions in relationships and contrasts in viewpoint. Work through conflicts of closeness. Compromising C M +J +T = = Calm Storm
Urge moderation; bargain; split the difference; find a little something for everyone; meet them halfway. Perspective on Conflict. Conflict is mutual difference best resolved by cooperation and compromise. If each comes halfway, progress can be made by the democratic process. Accommodating E O +F +R = = Calm Storm
Accept the others view; let the others view prevail; give in; support; acknowledge error; decide its no big deal or it doesnt matter. Perspective on Conflict. Conflict is usually disastrous, so yield. Sacrifice your own interests, ignore the issues, put relationships first, keep peace at any price. Avoiding D N +I +P = = Calm Storm
Delay or avoid response; withdraw; be inaccessible; divert attention. Perspective on Conflict. Conflict is hopeless; avoid it. Overlook differences, accept disagreement or get out. Forcing B L +H +Q = = Calm Storm
Control the outcome; discourage disagreement; insist on my view prevailing. Perspective on Conflict. Conflict is obvious; some people are right and some people are wrong. The central issue is who is right. Pressure and coercion are necessary.
CALM
Response when issues / conflicts first arise
STORM
Response after the issues / conflicts have been unresolved and have grown in intensity.
F F F F F
F F F F F
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Handout 5.5
High Concern
Competing/Forcing Collabo rati n g/Cooperating
- ,y Relationships
High Concern
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Avoiding
low Concern
Aceommoda ting
Skills for the Peacebuildler - Communication and Conflict Hand ling 141
Blocks the way, and stubbornly prevents the group from continuing along the road they desire to go.
2) Lion
3) Rabbit
Gets in and fights whenever others disagree with his or her plans, or interferes with his or her desires.
Runs away as soon as he or she senses tension, conflict, or any unpleasant job. This may mean switching quickly to another topic (flight behavior).
4) Ostrich
5) Turtle
Buries his or her head in the sand and refuses to face reality or admit there is any problem at all. 6) Chameleon
7) Owl
Changes color according to the people he or she is with. Will say one thing to this group and something else to another. 8) Mouse
Looks very solemn and pretends to be very wise, always talking in long words and complicated sentences. 9) Monkey
Fools around, chatters, and prevents the group from concentrating on serious business.