Ibn Qayyim on Visiting and Greeting the Deceased and Their Interaction with the Living:

Another proof of this [the dead hearing the living] is also the practice of people (`amal al-nas) formerly and to the present time of instructing the dead in his grave (talqin al mayyit fi qabrihi). If the dead did not hear that and did not benefit by it there would be no advantage in it and it would be done in vain. Imam Ahmad was asked about it and he considered it good (istahsanahu) and adduced for it a proof from usage (ihtajja `alayhi bi al-`amal).

There is also related on this subject a weak narration which al-Tabarani related in his Mu`jam from Abu Umama who said that the Messenger of Allah said, When one of your brothers dies and you have smoothed over the earth upon his grave, let one of you stand at the head of the grave and say, O So and so Son of So and so for he will hear, though he cannot reply and then say, O So and So, son of So and so, and he will say, Direct me, Allah have mercy upon you mercy on you, though you will not hear it, but should say, Remember the creed upon which you departed from this world, the testification that there is no god but Allah, and Muhammad is His slave and messenger, and that you accepted Allah as your Lord, Islam as your religion, Muhammad as your prophet, and the Koran as your exemplar. For then the two angels Munkar and Nakir will take each others hand and say, Let us go, what is there to keep us beside someone who has been instructed how to make his plea? A Man said, O Messenger of Alllah, what if one does not know the name of his mother? and he answered, Then one should mention his descent from his mother Eve, saying, O so and so son of Eve

Although this hadith has not been established (lam yathbut), nevertheless the continuity of its practice in every country and time without objection is sufficient warrant for its performance. For Allah certainly never caused a custom (`ada) to persist so that a people who encompass the eastern and western parts of the earth, and who are the most perfect of peoples in intelligence, and the most comprehensive of them in sciences, should agree to address one who neither hears nor reasons, and approve of that, without some mistrustful one of that people disapproving it! But, the first established it for the last (sannahu al-awwalu li al-akhir), and the last imitates the first therein (wa yaqtadi fihi al-akhiru bi al-awwal). And were it not that the one who is addressed hears, this act would have the status of address to earth and wood and stone and the non-existent and this, even if one person might approve of it, the learned would unanimously abhor it and condemn it.

Abu Dawud related in his Sunan with a chain to which there is no objection: The Prophet attended the funeral of a man, and when he was buried he said: Ask confirmation for your brother, for he is now being questioned. So he gave information that he was being questioned at that time. And since he was being asked, then he could hear the dictation. And it is valid on the Prophets authority that the dead one hears the beating of their sandals when they turn to leave.

`Abd al-Haqq [Ibn al-Kharrat al-Ishbili] related on the authorities of one of the saints that he said: A brother of mine died and I saw him in my sleep. I said: O brother, what was your state when you were placed in your grave? He said: Someone kept coming to me with a bright flame of fire. If it had not been that someone made du`a for me I would have perished.

Shabib ibn Shayba said: My mother enjoined me at her death saying: O my son, when you bury me, stand at my grave and say: O mother of Shabib, repeat: la ilaha illallah. So when I buried her, I stood at her grave and said: O mother of Shabib, repeat: la ilaha illallah. Then I departed. When night came I saw her in my sleep and she said: O my son, I was on the point of perishing but for the expression: la ilaha illallah overtaking me. So you have observed my last wish, O my son.

Ibn Abu al-Dunya related concerning Tamadur, daughter of Sahl, wife of Ayyub ibn Uyayna, who said I saw Sufyan ibn Uyayna in a dream and he said, May Allah recompense my brother Ayyub with good on my behalf, for he visits me often, and he was with me today. Ayyub said, Yes, I was present at the cemetery today, and I went to his grave.

And it is valid on the authority of Hammad ibn Salama on the authority of Thabit on the authority of Shahr ibn Hawshab, Sab ibn Jatham and Awf that Sab and Awf had an agreement. Awf had said to Sab, O my brother, whoever of us dies before his companion, let him appear to the other. Sab asked, Is that possible! Awf said that it was. Sab died and Awf saw him in a dream. Awf asked Sab, O my brother, is that you? Sab said, Yes. Awf asked, What happened to you [in the grave]? Sab said, I was forgiven after misfortunes. Awf said that he saw a black shining place on his neck and asked, O my brother, what is this? Sab said, Ten dinars which I asked for as an advance

from so and so, the Jewish man. The ten dinars are in my horn. Give them to him. And know, O my brother, that not a single event has taken place among my people since my death, without news of it reaching me, even the fact that a she-cat of ours died a few days ago. And know that my daughter will die within six days so be kind to her.

When I awoke in the morning I asked myself, Truly this was real? I went to Sabs people and they welcomed me complaining that they had not seen me since Sabs death. I made excuses like people do. Then I looked at the horn, took it down and emptied out what was in it. I found the purse with the ten dinars in it. I sent the ten dinars to the Jewish man with a note asking if Sab owed him anything. The Jewish man replied, Allah have mercy on Sab. He was one of the best of the Companions of the Messenger of Allah. The dinars were his. I then asked Sabs family how they were and what had happened since Sabs death. They said, Yes a she-cat died a few days ago. I asked, Where is Sabs daughter? They replied, She is playing. Then she was brought and I felt her. She was feverish! I said, Be kind to her. And she died within six days.

This is the discernment of Awf who was one of the Companions when he executed the will of al-Sab ibn Jathama after Sabs death. Awf knew the soundness of what had occurred because of the accompanying circumstances of which he was told, that of the dinars being ten in number and in the horn. Then he asked the Jewish man and his statement agreed with what he had seen in his dream. Awf, being convinced of the soundness of the affair, gave the Jewish man the dinars.

This discernment is becoming only to the most discerning and most learned of men, who are the Companions of the Messenger of Allah. Perhaps the majority of the later people would deny it saying, How is it lawful for Awf to transfer the dinars from the survivors of Sab (when they belong to his orphans and his heirs), to a Jewish man because of a dream.

A similar story of the discernment by which Allah distinguished them; rather than people in general, is the story of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammas. Abu Umar ibn Abd al-Barr and other related it. Abu Umar said, Abd al-Warith ibn Sufyan told us that Qasim ibn Asbagh told us that Abu al-Zanba Rawh ibn al-Faraz told us that Said ibn Ufair and Abd al-Aziz Yahya al-Madani told us that Malik ibn Anas told us on the authority of Ibn Shihab on the authority of Ismail ibn

Muhammad Thabit al-Ansari on the authority of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammas, that the messenger of Allah said to him, O Thabit, are you not willing to live worthy of praise, be killed a martyr, and enter the Garden? Malik said, Thabit ibn Qays died a martyr on the day of the battle of al-Yamama. Abu Umar said that Hisham ibn Ammar related on the authority of Sadaqa ibn Khalid that Abd al-Rahman ibn Yazid ibn Jabir told him that Ata al-Khurasani told him that the daughter of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammas told him that when the verse, O you who believe, do not raise your voices above the voice of the Prophet (49:2), was revealed, her father entered his house and shut himself in a room. The Messenger of Allah missed her father and sent to him, asking how he was. Her father said, I am a man mighty of voice, I fear that my work is useless. The Prophet said, You are not of them; rather, you live well and you will die well. Then Allah revealed, Truly Allah dislikes the proud boaster; (31:17). So her father shut himself in his room and began to weep. The messenger of Allah missed him and sent to him. Her father said to him, O Messenger of Allah, truly I love beauty, and I love to rule over my people. The Prophet said, You are not of them; rather, you live worthy of praise. You will die a martyr, and enter the Garden.

She said, When the day of the battle of Tamama came, he went forth with Khalid ibn al-Walid against Musayliman. When they met Thabit and Salim, client of Abu Hudhayfa, said to each other that they had not strived enough when they had been with the Messenger of Allah. Then each one dug a ditch for himself, and they stood fast and fought until they were killed. That day Thabit had worn a very fine coat of mail. One of the Muslims passed by him [as he lay dead] and took the coat of mail.

When another Muslim from the army had fallen asleep, Thabit came to him in a dream and said to him, I gave you a last command. Beware lest you say, This is a dream, and allow it to go unanswered. When I was killed yesterday, a man passed by me and took my coat of mail. [Thabit then proceeded to give a description of the man who stole his coat of mail was.] His place is that of the farthest of men. In his tent there is a horse prancing to the limits of its tether. The man inverted a wide-mouthed water jar to conceal the coat of mail and above the jar there is a camel-saddle. So go to Khalid and command him to send for my coat of mail and take it. And when you have come to the Khalifa at Madina, that is, Abu Bakr al-Siddiq, tell him that I have such and such debts, and so and so of my slaves is freed, and so and so also. The man went to Khalid and told him. Khalid sent for the coat of mail. He brought it and told Abu Bakr of his dream, and Abu Bakr executed his last command. He said, We do not know anyone whose command had been carried out after his death except

Thabit ibn Qays.

This ends what Abu Umar related. Khalid and Abu Bakr al-Siddiq and the latters companions agreed to carry out this dream, to take the coat of mail from him in whose hand it was, because of this dream. The is pure jurisprudence accepted by Abu Hanifa and Ahmad and Malik.

[..]

The law of Islam confirms what is similar to this, and testifies to its soundness. And behold judgment by means of physiognomy and the deduction of relationship by means of it, because of its reliance upon the circumstances of resemblance, despite their ambiguity and the concealment of them generally. The point is that the circumstances which arose in the dream of Awf ibn Malik and the story of Thabit ibn Qays, do not fall far short of these circumstances. Rather they are stronger than simply the faces of the bricks, the tying places of the ropes, and the validity of the one claimants right to the goods, rather than the others, in the problem of the couple and the two workmen. This is clear, without doubt, and the inherent nature of people and their powers of reason testify to its soundness, and with Allah is help.

The intention is to answer the questioner. And truly when the dead one knows something like these particulars and their minutiae, then his knowledge of the living ones visiting him, and his greeting him and his prayer for him, is more fitting and reasonable.

[Translation excerpted from Encyclopedia of Islamic Doctrine, Vol 3, pgs 151158]