DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

There's nothing left to say, The bruises and scars tell it all. No tears left to weep No heart left to beat, All that remains is nothing. Jennifer Nishi Jennifer Nishi expresses with depth what domestic violence is and how it feels to be abused by someone you love and expect to be loved back by. According to the Legal Dictionary, Domestic Violence refers to; Any abusive, violent, coercive, forceful, or threatening act or word inflicted by one member of a family or household on another. Domestic violence is one such issue that is prevalent in every society regardless of culture, ethnicity, race, religion, socioeconomic status, etc. It would be wrong to limit it to or to exclude from it the Muslim community. Domestic violence is carried out as much in the Islamic society as much as in the rest of the world, and for the same reasons as in the non-Islamic world, the only difference is that, by many it is believed that beating up of wife is allowed in Islam or maybe even a part of the religion, but it is not so. Women's mistreatment in the Muslim world is the general lack of Islamic education amongst men and women about day-to-day matters, including the roles and rights of women. The Holy Quran says; "O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away part of the dower ye have given them, except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good. The Noble Quran, 4:19 The above Quranic verse clearly removes all wrong believes regarding domestic abuse and Islam. Mistreatment and abuse of women, and wives in particular is condemned by Islam. Those who have studied domestic violence believe that it usually occurs in a cycle with three general stages. First, the abuser uses words or threats, perhaps humiliation or ridicule. Next, the abuser explodes at some perceived infraction by the other person, and the abuser's rage is manifested in physical violence. Finally, the abuser "cools off," asks forgiveness, and promises

that the violence will never occur again. At that point, the victim often abandons any attempt to leave the situation or to have charges brought against the abuser, although some prosecutors will go forward with charges even if the victim is unwilling to do so. Typically, the abuser's rage begins to build again after the reconciliation, and the violent cycle is repeated. Domestic abuse breaks the trust we have in those whom we love, whether it be our husbands, our uncles, our fathers, or even a boyfriend. The relationship that was formed with these people was based on trust and love and just one cycle of abuse ends this relationship, kills the trust, murders the love that was once there. Domestic violence is aggravated by conditions such as poverty, drug or alcohol abuse and even mental illness, and domestic violence in turn results in these conditions too. Many children become abusive in their later lives because they had either seen their mother being beaten up by their father or were victims of domestic abuse themselves. Same is the case for drug abuse and mental illness, domestic violence leaves such a traumatic effect on the victim creating a proneness to various psychological disorders. It has been noted that battered women are eight times more likely to hurt their children when they are being abused than when they are safe, and children who were the victims of domestic abuse tend to abuse drugs and alcohol more than those who were safe. Among the many negative and brutal effects left by being tortured by your own loved ones are low self-esteem, feelings of shame and guilt and helplessness, these in turn lead to suicide, if, after being tortured, one survives. It has been noted that more than 40% of murdered women are killed by a spouse or someone they have been intimate with; 10% of all men are killed by partners, and about 25% of female suicides are preceded by a history of battering. When you love someone, you trust them to look after you; especially children, they expect their parents to love them and protect them. Being hurt by the same people you expect to protect you is devastating. Along with the visible consequences of such treatment, the sufferer is broken from inside. He is unable to trust anyone, or form relations, suspicion, violent behaviours, rebelliousness, revenge, all can follow. Same is the case for women, having your feeling of security and safety battered by the same person who is supposed to provide these to you can lead to the same consequences as for children. Women and children are fragile beings, to hurt them or to torture them is one of the worst acts that could ever be carried out. No culture, no society or any religion can ever allow such a brutal crime to be committed, and those who believe it is alright to hurt your own wives or girlfriends or children, need to learn the basics of humanity and social living. The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less. Elderidge Cleaver

References:
Domestic Violence. Retrieved from http://legaldictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Domestic+assault Human Development In South Asia (1999). Domestic Violence. Retrieved from http://www.yespakistan.com/dv/ Human Development Foundation (2004). 8 tips for victims of domestic violence in Pakistan. Retrieved from http://www.yespakistan.com/wellness/8tips_victims.asp Rebecca Burns (2007). Domestic Violence Quotes Motivational Quotes & Resources on Domestic Violence. Retrieved from http://thelaststraw.wordpress.com/2007/08/15/quotes-aboutdomestic-violence/ Samana Siddiqi. Whats Wrong With Muslim Societies: A Critical look at how we treat women. Retrieved from http://www.soundvision.com/Info/women/muslimsociety.asp Sound Vision Staff Writer. Some facts about the abuse of women in the United States. Retrieved from http://www.soundvision.com/Info/misc/wvastat.asp Susannah Price (2001). Pakistans rising toll of domestic violence. Retrieved from http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/1507330.stm