COMMUNICATION IN FAMILIES

FAMILY ..
FAMIILY Is the basic or the most fundamental unit in any society. Sociologists and anthropologists define the family as a group of people who are united by ties of marriage, ancestry or adoption.

STRONG FAMILIES

Strong families communicate easily and well frequently, openly, clearly, and directly. They do a good deal of sharing of themselves their feelings, hopes, dreams, fears, joys, sorrows, experiences, growth, and needs. Active listening is essential to effective family communication and is vital to hearing and being heard in the family unit.

The presence of an effective communication pattern is one of the most frequently mentioned characteristics of strong families.

Swihart, 1988

FAMILY COMMUNICATION - CHECKLIST

Do the following statements apply to you? Mark each statement T for True or F for False.

FAMILY COMMUNICATION - CHECKLIST

If you wish, check your impressions against those in your family. Fold your paper to hide what you wrote and let your family evaluate you.

FAMILY COMMUNICATION - CHECKLIST

The

more TRUES you have, the more skillful you are as a communicator. there aspects of communication that you need to work on?

Are

Effective

communication is an important characteristic of strong, healthy families. Research identifies communication as an essential building block of strong marital, parent-child, and sibling relationships.

WHAT IS FAMILY COMMUNICATION ?

Family communication refers to the way verbal and non-verbal information is exchanged between family members (Epstein, Bishop, Ryan, Miller, & Keitner, (1993).

Communication involves the ability to pay attention to what others are thinking and feeling. In other words, an important part of communication is not just talking, but listening to what others have to say.

Communication within the family is extremely important because it enables members to express their needs, wants, and concerns to each other. Open and honest communication creates an atmosphere that allows family members to express their differences as well as love and admiration for one another.

It is through communication that family members are able to resolve the unavoidable problems that arise in all families.

Researchers have discovered a strong link between communication patterns and satisfaction with family relationships (Noller & Fitzpatrick, 1990). In fact, one researcher discovered that the more positively couples rated their communication, the more satisfied they were with their relationship five and a half years later (Markman, 1981).
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Communication within the family is extremely important because it enables members to express their needs, wants, and concerns to each other. Open and honest communication creates an atmosphere that allows family members to express their differences as well as love and admiration for one another.

It is through communication that family members are able to resolve the unavoidable problems that arise in all families.
Just as effective communication is almost always found in strong, healthy families, poor communication is usually found in unhealthy family relationships. Marriage and family therapists often report that poor communication is a common complaint of families who are having difficulties. Poor communication is unclear and indirect. It can lead to numerous family problems, including excessive family conflict, ineffective problem solving, lack of intimacy, and weak emotional bonding. Researchers have discovered a strong link between communication patterns and satisfaction with family relationships (Noller & Fitzpatrick, 1990). In fact, one researcher discovered that the more positively couples rated their communication, the more satisfied they were with their relationship five and a half years later (Markman, 1981). Poor communication is also associated with an increased risk of divorce and marital separation and more behavioral problems in children.

Just as effective communication is almost always found in strong, healthy families, poor communication is usually found in unhealthy family relationships. Marriage and family therapists often report that poor communication is a common complaint of families who are having difficulties. Poor communication is unclear and indirect. It can lead to numerous family problems, including excessive family conflict, ineffective problem solving, lack of intimacy, and weak emotional bonding. Researchers have discovered a strong link between communication patterns and satisfaction with family relationships (Noller & Fitzpatrick, 1990). In fact, one researcher discovered that the more positively couples rated their communication, the more satisfied they were with their relationship five and a half years later (Markman, 1981). Poor communication is also associated with an increased risk of divorce and marital separation and more behavioral problems in children.

Just as effective communication is almost always found in strong, healthy families, poor communication is usually found in unhealthy family relationships. Marriage and family therapists often report that poor communication is a common complaint of families who are having difficulties. Poor communication is unclear and indirect. It can lead to numerous family problems, including excessive family conflict, ineffective problem solving, lack of intimacy, and weak emotional bonding. Poor communication is also associated with an increased risk of divorce and marital separation and more behavioral problems in children.

INSTRUMENTAL AND AFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

Communication can be divided into two different areas: instrumental and affective. Instrumental communication is the exchange of factual information that enables individuals to fulfill common family functions (e.g., telling a child that he/she will be picked up from school at a specific time and location). Affective communication is the way individual family members share their emotions with one another (e.g., sadness, anger, joy). Some families function extremely well with instrumental communication, yet have great difficulty with affective communication. Healthy families are able to communicate well in both areas.

STYLES OF COMMUNICATION

Epstein et al. (1993) have identified the following four styles of communication. Clear and Direct Communication Clear and direct communication is the most healthy form of communication and occurs when the message is stated plainly and directly to the appropriate family member. An example of this style of communication is when a father, disappointed about his son failing to complete his chore, states, "Son, I'm disappointed that you forgot to take out the trash today without my having to remind you." Clear and Indirect Communication In this second style of communication, the message is clear, but it is not directed to the person for whom it is intended. Using the previous example, the father might say, "It's disappointing when people forget to complete their chores." In this message the son may not know that his father is referring to him. Masked and Direct Communication Masked and direct communication occurs when the content of the message is unclear, but directed to the appropriate family member. The father in our example may say something like, "Son, people just don't work as hard as they used to." Masked and Indirect Communication Masked and indirect communication occurs when both the message and intended recipient are unclear. In unhealthy family relationships, communication tends to be very masked and indirect. An example of this type of communication might be the father stating, "The youth of today are very lazy."

WHAT IS FAMILY COMMUNICATION

Family communication is much more than just the exchange of words between family members. It is what we say, how we say it, why we say it, when we say it, and what we neglect to say. It is our facial expressions, our gestures, our posture, our vocal tones.

CHARACTERISTICS OF POSITIVE COMMUNICATION WITHIN FAMILIES

Appear interested and be interested. Listen to each other - hear what other family members are saying. Be sensitive to each others feelings - try to identify the feeling. Do not jump to conclusions. Try to see things from each others point of view imagine yourself in the other persons position. Avoid being critical.

family members communicate to exchange ideas, gain knowledge, and increase understanding of others. Good communication

spend time talking share feelings, joys, sorrows, hopes, dreams, etc state individual needs and wants do not fault find face conflict honestly and openly resolve problems by win-win methods show appreciation for feelings and ideas develop speaker and listener roles communicate verbally and nonverbally recognize what actions say communicate directly are consistent in behaviors and expectations.

Communication within the family unit must include all family members. So often younger children and even teens are left out of family conversations. Communication is a two-way process, so it is important to understand and value ALL members involved in the conversation.

PRESCHOOL CHILDREN
Communication

with preschool children is critical within the family unit. Of the four language arts, listening, speaking,reading, and writing, listening is the first to be learned and is used more than the other three skills combined. The ability to listen well is essential for a child, not only to successfully acquire information but to process it and communicate it to others, as well..

THREE TIPS FOR GOOD LISTENING

Pay attention to the person who is speaking. Listen for special clue words that tell you it is time to pay attention. If you hear something you do not understand, ask a question

ELEMENTARY CHILDREN
Good

listening skills play a crucial role in the learning process of young children. These skills help children successfully acquire, process, and communicate information. It is important to encourage children to show respect for the opinions of others. Children in this age group often pattern their communication habits after those they see modeled in their life.

MIDDLE/JUNIOR HIGH ADOLESCENTS

On the threshold of adolescence. They see the world as a place of infinite possibilities, full of new people and new situations. So, it is important that they understand that their ability to be understood clearly by others and understand others in return depends on good communication skills.

SENIOR HIGH TEENS

Teenagers who have good communication skills will be better able to deal with interpersonal problems and build positive relationships. Verbal and nonverbal communication are used among teenagers. Therefore, it is critical that attention is given to body language and tone of voice when communicating.

ADULTS
Adults need to show through modeling how to improve communication skills within the family and in other relationships. Children can flourish in a family where people are not afraid to show their feelings and where they know others want to listen. Adults can help by expressing themselves openly and by listening carefully to other

Positive communication skills will help you maintain strong family relationships. Its a process in which the whole family should become involved.

KEY STRATEGIES FOR BUILDING AND STRENGTHENING FAMILY COMMUNICATIONS

avoid letting aggravations accumulate be honest but not accusatory when you argue, do so constructively put yourself in the other persons shoes accept feelings - do not judge them

ELEVATOR MODEL

RELATIONAL DE-ESCALATION
Turmoil

or Stagnation De-Intensification Individualization Separation Post-Interaction

RELATIONAL ESCALATION
Pre-Interaction

Awareness
Initiation Exploration Intensification Intimacy

WHAT IS THIS?
R:

Blah, blah. L: Yak, yak. R: What I said was blah, blah. L: What I said was yak, yak. R: Dont you see, I am saying blah, blah. L: Dont you see, I am saying yak, yak. R: Well I said blah, blah.