Forming Relationships in Young & Middle Adulthood

Ch. 11

Friendships
Adult friendships develop over several stages
Acquaintanceship Buildup Continuation Deterioration Ending

Friendships
Young adults - more friends than any other stage of adulthood Satisfaction with life partly dependant upon quantity and quality of friends

Friendships
3 themes: Affective or emotional: Self-disclosure and trust Shared or communal nature: Mutual interests Sociability and compatibility: Source of fun and entertainment Sibling friendships important More for women than for men

Mens, Womens and Cross-Sex Friendships

Women tend to
base friendships on more intimate sharing and confiding in others have more close friends

Men
based on shared interests or activities involve less sharing and more competition

Cross-sex relationships may help men with their capacity for intimacy

Love Relationships
Sternbergs three basic components of love:
Passion - physical desire Intimacy - need to share thoughts and actions Commitment - willingness to stay with someone during good and bad times

True love relationship has all 3

Love Through Adulthood

Infatuation
Early in relationships passion tends to be high and intimacy and commitment lower

Longer relationship =
commitment increases but passion and intimacy decrease

Love Through Adulthood

Falling in Love
Assortative mating -people find partners based on similarity Homogamy
the degree to which people are similar. greater homogamy present between partners that met in school or some religious setting

Meeting and Falling In Love

Research shows three factors that are important when people meet someone
Stimulus
Do the persons physical appearance, social class, & manners match my own?

Values
Do the persons values match my own?

Role
Do the persons ideas about relationships, communication style, gender roles, etc., match my own?

The Dark Side of Relationships: Violence

Battered woman syndrome
A woman believes that she cannot leave an abusive situation. She may go as far as to kill her abuser

Some violence occurs in 25-40% of committed relationships

(i.e. pushing or slapping)

The Dark Side of Relationships: Violence

(Cont)

Complex causes of abusive behavior increases as the severity increases Violence may start as common violence, or physical aggressiveness between the couple

Singlehood
70% of women and 80% of men are single between the ages of 20 and 24 Men tend to remain single longer than women Twice as many African Americans as European Americans are single throughout adulthood

Cohabitation
Three reasons for decision to cohabit
Part-time or limited cohabitation
usually for convenience and accessibility. No long term commitment, marriage is not a goal

Premarital cohabitation
usually a trial marriage if it doesnt end in marriage, the couple splitsup

Cohabitation
Substitute marriage
a long-term commitment without legal marriage more common with older couples who may lose financial benefits if they marry

Have a higher divorce rate and tend to be less happy

Marriage
Median age for marriage has been rising Women
under 20 are 3 times more likely to divorce than women who marry in 20s 6 times more likely than those in their 30s

 Teen marriages

What Factors Help Marriage Succeed?

more likely to end in divorce partly due to the need for the development of a strong sense of identity before intimacy

Homogamy
increases the chance of successful marriage

Exchange theory

Do Married Couples Stay Happy?

Satisfaction with marriage
highest in the beginning falls until children begin leaving home rises again in later life

Dependence
more equal = marriage tends to stay strong and close less equal = more conflict and difficulty is experienced

The Early Years

Less educated couples
greater dissatisfaction with marriage

Couples who do not pool their financial resources experience less satisfaction Birth of children
marriages become more routine and static resulting in less satisfaction

Childless couples satisfaction declines as well

Marriage at Midlife
Married singles Couples who have grown apart but remain married Physical appearance
an important factor in marital satisfaction Declines in physical condition may cause changes in level of satisfaction

Seven Keys to Staying Married

Make time for your relationship Express your love to your spouse Be there in times of need Communicate about problems in the relationship Be interested in your spouses life Confide in your spouse Forgive minor offenses, try to understand major ones

Deciding Whether to Have Children

>50% of all pregnancies in U.S. are unplanned Finances are big consideration
$241,770 over 17 years for food, shelter, and other necessities to raise a child

Childless couples
higher standard of living greater marital satisfaction may be viewed negatively by society

The Parental Role

Couples are having fewer children and waiting longer Older parents
more at ease spend more time with their babies more affectionate

The Parental Role

Men who become fathers in their 30s spend up to 3 times as much time caring for their preschool children >70% of women with children under 18
employed outside the home still perform most of the child-rearing tasks

Single Parents
Divorced single parents
report feelings of frustration, guilt, and a tendency to be overindulgent

Single parents often face financial strains. Single mothers are often affected the most

Divorce
Who gets divorced and why?
Ethnicity is a big factor
African American, Puerto Ricans, and ethnically mixed marriages are most likely to end in divorce European Americans, Mexican Americans, and Cuban Americans are similar in divorce rates

Divorce and Remarriage

Reasons men give for divorce: Communication problems Unhappiness Incompatibility Sexual problems Financial problems Emotional abuse Womens liberation In-laws Infidelity by spouse Alcohol abuse by self Reasons women give for divorce: Communication problems Unhappiness Incompatibility Emotional abuse Financial problems Sexual problems Alcohol abuse by spouse Infidelity by spouse Physical abuse In-laws

Effects of Divorce on the Couple

feel disappointed, misunderstood, and rejected often find it difficult to let go or to find new friendships People with less preoccupation with the divorced spouse adjust better to single life

Effects of Divorce on the Couple

(Cont)

Men
feel shocked be blamed for the break-up accept the blame, move out have their social life disrupted

Effects of Divorce on the Couple

(Cont)

Women
economic disadvantage have a more difficult time with prospects for remarriage likely to have inadequate child support

Effects of Divorce on the Couple

(Cont)

Middle-aged individuals
may have the most difficult time after divorce friends take sides are less likely to remarry

Remarriage
On average, men and women wait about 4 years before remarrying
African Americans wait longer than European Americans or Hispanics Remarriages have 25% higher rate of divorce than original marriages Remarriages involving stepchildren are 3 times more likely to end in divorce Women are more likely to initiate a divorce, but are less likely to remarry