Release aspirations

Build Capacity

Produce extraordinary results

Amid change, complexity, competition

Robert Hargrove. Masterful Coaching Field book 2000

 Active Listening
Questioning Skills Giving Feedback

Active listening is listening and responding that focuses the attention on the speaker and improves mutual understanding.

is one of the most important skills of an emotionally intelligent leader builds trust encourages positive problem-solving takes practice

Qualities of Active Listeners

Desire to be other-directed No desire to protect yourself

Desire to imagine the experience of the other

Desire to understand, not critique

We can do this by:

Quiet-ing our mind. Giving 100% of our attention. Being non-judgmental. Paraphrasing-repeat what they have said in your words to demonstrate that you have understood the discussion and you have been actively listening

All the outward signs are there:

nodding, making eye contact, and giving the occasional uh huh.

However, the faker isnt concentrating on the speaker. His mind is elsewhere.

Lynn, Adele. B.. The Emotional Intelligence Activity Book p.69 2002 HRD Press

Doesnt allow the speaker to finish Doesnt ask clarifying questions or seek more information from the speaker. Too anxious to speak his words and shows little concern for the speaker.

Lynn, Adele. B.. The Emotional Intelligence Activity Book p.69 2002 HRD Press

Always trying to interpret what the speaker is saying and why. Judging the speakers words and trying to fit them into the logic box. Rarely asks about the underlying feeling or emotion attached to a message.

Lynn, Adele. B.. The Emotional Intelligence Activity Book p.69 2002 HRD Press

Uses the speakers words only as a way to get to his message. Steals the focus and then changes to this own point of view, opinion, story, or facts. Favorite hooker lines are, Oh, thats nothing, heres what happened to me I remember when I was
Lynn, Adele. B.. The Emotional Intelligence Activity Book p.69 2002 HRD Press

Listens long enough to form a rebuttal. His point is to use the speakers words against him. At his worst, he is argumentative and wants to prove you wrong. At the very least, the person always wants to make the speaker see the other point of view.
Lynn, Adele. B.. The Emotional Intelligence Activity Book p.69 2002 HRD Press

Giving advice is sometimes helpful; however, at other times, this behavior interferes with good listening, because it does not allow the speaker to fully articulate his feelings or thoughts; It doesnt help the speaker solve his own problems; it prohibits venting; it could also belittle the speaker by minimizing his or her concern with a quick solution. Well-placed advice is an important function of leadership. However, advice given too quickly and at the wrong time is a turnoff to the speaker.
Lynn, Adele. B.. The Emotional Intelligence Activity Book p.69 2002 HRD Press

Why does feedback go wrong?

Insensitive to power of feedback Boss adopts directive/paternalistic approach Unbalanced; more attention paid to negatives than positives

Why does feedback go wrong?

Person doubts validity of instrument and/or raters Isolated from/poor relationship with Boss Manner in which feedback is delivered & discussed

Understand the emotional landscape

Recognise that reflection about emotions as important to learning as reflection on knowledge, skills, performance Every one wants to know how they are doing, particularly in early career & how to do even better The way in which feedback is given is crucial to this process

Handling Feedback
Encourage to reflect on their emotions on receiving feedback, probe & challenge if necessary, before discussing content in detail. Allow distress and dissatisfaction rather than jumping in and rescuing Encourage to reflect on the feedback, what they got out of it and changes needed before offering own views/suggestions

Handling feedback
Positive & supportive approach Refrain from sit and tell

Use your consultation skills e.g. use of silence; open questions; clarifying where needed; empathy but not collusion
Describe behaviours/tasks not personality/attitudes

Handling feedback
Steer staff towards what can be changed; what is achievable Be specific Own your views: use I

Beware of blocking behaviour

Closed questions too soon Making assumptions & allowing them to influence your behaviour Leading questions Ignoring cues Rescuing Jollying along Switching topic inappropriately

FEEDBACK SKILLS
Encourage to identify specific outcomes/goals to be achieved which are realistic Change is more likely if coachee has generated it but do offer support and share ideas when appropriate

How to give FEEDBACK S-B-I Model

Situation Describe where and when the observed behavior occurred. Behavior Describe what you saw or heard (a videotape would capture this no interpretations or judgments). Impact - Share the impact of the behavior on you or others. I felt or I was. If you hear yourself saying YOU were youre probably on the wrong track.

Effective Feedback Strategies

Approaches to Feedback

Focus on the individuals behavior, not the persons personality. Avoid globalizing behavior. (always,never) Use I instead of you language.

Effective Feedback Strategies

Using Feedback Effectively - Ask yourself:
Is this the right time? Is this the right place? Is this the appropriate person? What is the best way to communicate my message? Is the feedback well thought out and valid? What problems might feedback create? Will my feedback damage the relationship? If yes, how?

Effective Feedback Strategies

Giving Negative Feedback (Criticism)
Tell the person exactly what you observed. Explain exactly how you feel about the behavior and the impact. Solicit feedback. Show support and solicit possible solutions from the individual. Get a commitment to improve behavior. Reaffirm the individuals worth.

Effective Feedback Strategies

Receiving Negative Feedback

Listen, do not interrupt. Ask for clarification or more information. Try to be objective. (Yes, it is hard!!!) Decide if the comments are valid. Now its your turn: Be polite and provide appropriate feedback. Say thank you.