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chapter three
McGraw-Hill/Irwin
Overview
Role of adaptation in writing clearly Limited sentence content and economical use of words Right emphasis to content Sentence unity and clarity Short, unified sentences, appropriately used topic sentences, movement shown
Writing Economically
(Eliminate cluttering phrases.)
Regardless of the fact that sales increased, profits continue to decline. Even though sales increased, profits continue to decline. Production will decrease next month due to the fact that we must retool for the next model. Production will decrease next fall because we must retool for the next model. In very few instances do the salespeople receive bonuses over the amount of $100. The salespeople seldom receive bonuses over $100. At all times the cash box is kept locked. The cash box is always locked.
Writing Economically
(Cut surplus words.)
You are hereby instructed to send all daily reports directly to this office as promptly as possible. Send all reports to this office promptly. Your attention is directed to paragraph 3, which summarizes the findings of this study. Paragraph 3 summarizes the findings of this study. Enclosed herewith are general instructions which are sent to you for your guidance and information. The enclosed general instructions are for your guidance and information.
Writing Economically
(Rephrase roundabout constructions.)
All the books are in readiness for the annual audit. The books are ready for the annual audit. The charge of negligence has been denied by all four of the officers. The four officers denied the negligence charge. It is our expectation that this plan will be successful. We expect the plan to succeed.
There have been many times when we suspected theft. Many times we suspected theft.
It is our conclusion that production should stop. We conclude that production should stop.
Writing Economically
(Remove unnecessary repetition.)
We have verified the charges to your account and find that the account balances on our books agree with the account balances on your books. We have verified the charges to your account and find that our records agree with yours. This change will enable us to get started sooner than if we wait for a later date. This change will enable us to get started sooner. At the present time the research is almost complete. The research is almost complete.
Sentence Emphasis
Write sentences that give their contents proper emphasis. Short sentences stand out (an item standing alone gets emphasis). Long sentences de-emphasize content (the two or more items share emphasis).
Good Subordination
(important points emphasized)
The main building is large enough for the new store. This conclusion, reached by Vice President George Wills following his October 1 inspection of the building, is based on these facts: The buildings 6,500 square feet of floor space exceeded the minimum requirements by 500 square feet. The 2,400 square feet of storage spaced exceeded the minimum requirement by 400 square feet.
The Marriott is new (since 2002), and its rooms are modern and, therefore, more appealing. The 69-year old Westgate, however, is well preserved and comfortable.
You may also compare two or more series on the same line chart. In such a comparison, you should clearly distinguish the lines by color or form (dots, dashes, dots and dashes, and the like). You should clearly label them by a legend somewhere in the chart. But the number of series that you may compare on one chart is limited. As a practical rule, four or five series should be a maximum.
Please come by my office at your earliest convenience to correct an error in the personnel form you filled out last week.
Writing and thinking are inseparable. Not only does thinking help us to write, writing helps us to think.
--Richard Lederer The Write Way
chapter four
McGraw-Hill/Irwin
Overview
Need for effect Conversation style, rubber stamps, old language You-viewpoint Positive language Courtesy Emphasis Flow, transitional devices
The right effect can help to build goodwill. And it can help in achieving message goals.
Conversational
Please refer to your March 16 letter, in which you tell how to file a claim. Enclosed is the brochure you asked about. Ill gladly follow your suggestion if the price falls.
Create the right effect by (3) avoiding the old language of business.
In Openings we beg to advise your esteemed favor this is to inform you In Contents deem it advisable attached hereto please be advised
In Closings Thanking you in advance We beg to remain Anticipating your favorable response
We:
You:
The Cc field is for courtesy copies. Courtesy copies are for the recipients information. To send courtesy copies, put the recipients addresses in the Cc field. They wont be expected to answer. They can answer if they choose. You can send yourself a courtesy copy for your file. Do this by placing your address in this field.
Abrupt Shift: The facts in every case are different. Smooth Tie-in: What we can do in each instance is determined by the facts of the case.
If you think Mr. James is most interested in the conclusion, begin with the conclusion. A direct beginning will permit him to make his decision without delay. If he has confidence in your work, he may not choose to read beyond this point.
Write as though you were addressing intelligent people you understand and respect. Dont patronize them, but dont talk over their heads.
--Patricia T. OConner Words Fail Me