MANAGING CONFLICTS AND DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Before we start

You can get anything in life that you want if you can help enough people get what they want

Objectives
1. People Skills 2. Managing Conflicts and Difficult People 3. Avoiding Stress

Introduction: People Skills

Why is it so important to us?

Management Skills

1. 7. 2. Wh Job Car Bos at eer s 3. to 6. Tim Attit 5. Man e age? ude Dis 4. Relationship cipli ne

Conflict Mgmt

Law of the Ping-Pong Ball

a.k.a. Law of Cause and Effect

Managing your Relationships

Basics of Relationships 1. Why? 2. Good performance & skill won't get you very far. You need others to succeed 3. You cannot get people to listen to you if they don't like you. 4. And if they dont listen to you, you wont accomplish anything! 5. Relationships = Expectations.

But firstDo you know yourself?

Strengths? Limitations? Good listener? Emotionally stable? Biases or Prejudices? What is Fair?

Managing your Relationships: People Skills

1. People are interested in themselves, not in you 2. What is the most interesting subject in the world to them? THEMSELVES 3. Take four words out of your vocabulary: I, me, my, mine and substitute for the most powerful word: YOU 4. Remember that the more important you make people feel, the more they will respond to you. 5. Avoid arguing.

Communication SF
LINA
Listen with interest and praise

make the person feel Important

use their Name

Ask questions

Influence SF
PASSE
Praise and encourage Ask questions allow the person to Save Face use SMART goals Encourage small improvements

Personality SF
S + FH + C
Smile

Firm Handshake
Compliment

Understanding Yourself and Others Personalities

People

Handout 1: Personality Types

Peaceful: Phlegmatic

Popular: Sanguine

Closed

Open

Perfect: Melancholy

Powerful: Choleric

Task

Understanding Yourself and Others Motives

Power (nPow)

Affiliative (nAff)
Handout 3: Motive Profiles Overview

Achievement (nAch)

Handout 2: McClelland Motive Self Assessment

Active Listening
1. 2. 3. 4. Attending Paraphrasing Speaking Clarifying 5. 6. 7. 8. Asking Encouraging Reflecting Summarizing

Personal Tip: Picking

Understanding Conflicts
What is, Sources of,

Why do Conflicts happen?

Unrealistic Expectations Inadequate Resources

CONFLICTS
Lack of Cooperation Reduce Energy

Why do Conflicts happen?

Unrealistic Expectations
1. I am always right opinion

2. Do not understand ourselves

3. Do not understand others 4. Different backgrounds 5. Aggressive, Selfish, Stubborn 6. Win-lose mentality

Conflict: Good or Bad?

Good

1. Clarification

2. Release emotions
3. Release stress 4. Understand each other 5. Build cooperation & trust 6. Develop problem solving 7. Create energy

Conflict: Good or Bad?

1. Diverts energy 2. Polarizes groups 3. Deepens differences 4. Either-Or positions 5. Always right mentality 6. Develop negative feelings

Bad

Conflict: Good or Bad?

1. Informal discussions 2. Mis-information 3. Positions 4. Factions

Very Very Bad

Sources of Conflicts
Instrumental

Personal

Interest

Sources of Conflicts
Instrumental
1. Goals 2. Means 3. Procedures 4. Structures

Sources of Conflicts
1. Money 2. Time 3. Staff Space 4. Importance 5. Ownership 6. Competence

Interest

Sources of Conflicts
1. Identity 2. Self-image 3. Loyalty 4. Confidence breach

5. No respect
6. Friendship Betrayal

Personal

Managing Conflicts and Difficult People

The world is full of people who dont like you live with it.

But First Do you want to maintain the relationship?

Yes? No?

1. Compromise, if possible

2. Win-win, if possible

3. Adapt, to different people

4. Hide your Ego

5. Lower your Expectations

6. Find Common Ground

7. Same Destination, Different Paths

8. I understand

9. Accept the fact

10. Face

How to avoid getting killed by stress

Avoid stress, conflict, and burnout in the workplace

1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Understand and use People Skills Me Sdn Bhd Rules of Work Bad Bosses Who are you working for?

2. Me Sdn Bhd
Who do you work for?

3. Rules of Work
Rule 38: Dont let it get to you Rule 60: Know when to let go Rule 76: Dont bad mouth your boss Rule 77: Dont bad-mouth your team Rule 78: Accept that some things your bosses tell you to do will be wrong Rule 93: Maintain good friendships and relationships (if possible) Rule 101: Remember that we are all humans
Refer to Handout 7 for detailed explanation

4. Bad Bosses
If none of these strategies work, you have two choices: 1. Choice A - If you have good personal reasons for staying in your job -- you love your work, you're learning a lot, you like the people you're working with -- you can hold your nose and ignore your boss as best you can. 2. Choice B - Or, you can quit: life is too short too deal with this kind of abuse.

Refer to Handout 8 for detailed explanation

5. Who are you working for?

End Notes

Manage Stress and Avoid Depression Decide on your Life priorities.

Remember who you are really working for. Go home.

Who are you really working for?

Anyone can become angry that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way that is not easy.
Aristotle

Endnote

The rest is up to you.

Thank You.