Constructive or Destructive Conflict: Lessons to Be Learned

1. 2. 3. 4.

Which was easier to discuss and why? What surprises did you find when the entire group reported out? How do you think most people at work feel about conflict? What are the lessons you learned from this activity?

It is important to see conflict as contributing to personal growth. Evaluating both destructive and constructive conflict can lead one to recognize the advantages of a win-win solution. It is significant that a win-win solution diminishes the destructive impact of conflict and offers a positive force for the organization as well as for the individual.

Conflict is destructive when:

Conflict is constructive when it:

one person has to give in too much (win-lose) the dispute hurts a relationship there is no agreement reached there are uncontrolled emotions, anger, and raised voices the conflict prevents or stops people from working

leads to resolution builds a strong relationship with improved communication opens people up to new ideas leads to a win-win resolution develops common goals clarifies a problem situation and leads to positive change

Individual Conflict Styles: A Zoological Approach

To help participants recognize that there are distinct differences in conflict resolution styles, and that being flexible and respecting others might help in resolving conflict.

Bunny Rabbit (escape when you have the chance)

Pit Bull (winning is the only thing)

Worker Bee (act for the good of the group)

Chameleon (willing to change to blend in)

Red Flags

Discuss the impact of language on conflict. Ask questions such as: Have you been in a conflict where words or phrases from the first group were used? How did you feel? What effect did this have on the resolution of the conflict? What happens when you hear words and phrases like those in the second group? Which of the two assignments was easier?

Self Management
Planning, Organizing, Staffing, Directing and Controlling

 All great leaders have understood that their number one responsibility was for their own discipline and growth. If they could not lead themselves, they could not lead others. John C. Maxwell

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Self-Discipline Defined
Self-discipline is the ability to consciously take control of your personal choices, decisions, actions, and behavior
Ability is important because it conveys the message that self-discipline can be learned and then developed through consistent practice Conscious is important because it conveys the message that self-discipline is a choice, rather than something one just has or doesnt have

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Develop SelfDiscipline
Formulate a mission statement

Develop role models

Develop goals for each task Develop action plans to achieve goals

Self-Esteem
Experience of feeling competent to cope with the basic challenges in life and of being worthy of happiness Positive overall evaluation of oneself Self-concept refers to what we think about ourselves

Sources of Self-confidence
Self-efficacy is confidence in ability to carry out specific task in contrast to generalized self-confidence
Tend to have good job performance Set relatively high goals

Engagement & SelfMotivation

Engaged in work Committed to job and company Aware of opportunities and advantages the company makes available to them

SelfMotivation Techniques
Set goals for yourself Find intrinsically motivating work Get feedback on your performance Apply behavior modification to yourself
Behavior modification: system of motivation that emphasizes rewarding people for doing the right things and punishing them for doing the wrong things

Emotional Intelligence
Person effectively makes use of his or her emotions

Enables person to accurately

Perceive own and others emotions Understand the signals that emotions send about relationships Manage own and others emotions

Emotional Intelligence
Ability to accurately perceive your own and others emotions
Sizing up people Pleasing others Influencing others

Emotional Intelligence
Key Components
Self-awareness
Ability to understand own moods, emotions, and needs as well as their impact on others Using intuition to make decisions you can live with happily

Emotional Intelligence
Key Components
Self Management
Ability to control ones emotions and act with honesty and integrity in a consistent and acceptable manner Effective workers do not let occasional bad moods ruin their day

Emotional Intelligence
Key Components
Social Awareness
Having empathy for others and having intuition about work problems Ability to interpret nonverbal communication

Emotional Intelligence
Key Components
Relationship Management
Interpersonal skills to communicate clearly and convincingly, disarm conflicts, and build strong personal bonds Spread enthusiasm and solve disagreements, often with kindness and humor Able to deal with difficult arena of feelings

Attitudes
Importance of Positive Attitudes
Enhance our experience of enjoyment of work, as well as love and play
Assumption that employees in a positive mood are typically
More creative

Better motivated to perform well

More helpful toward coworkers

Why Self-Awareness?
You cannot manage others well unless you can manage yourself.

Creating the Brand Called You

What is the Self-Concept?

The self-concept is an internalized set of perceptions that each of us has about ourselves that are relatively stable over time, consistent across situations, resistant to change, and of central importance to us. Our self-concept is made up of our beliefs about our personalities, interests and skills, strengths and weaknesses, what makes us similar to others, and what makes us unique. Our self-concept influences our everyday thoughts and actions.

What is Self-Monitoring?
Self-monitoring refers to a persons willingness and ability to be attentive to social and interpersonal situational cues and adapt behavior in response.
Snyder and Gangestad

Authenticity
Perhaps its better to view authenticity as a work-in-progress rather than a static end-state. Viewing authenticity as a work in progress assumes that we are always learning about ourselves, the world around us, and what others need from us. It assumes that responding ethically and effectively to others and our environments challenges us to be thoughtful about when to fully express ourselves and when to hold back and consider others feelings and needs, when to stick to our position and when to find common ground, when to hold onto parts of ourselves that are precious and when to let go of parts of ourselves so that we can grow.

Five Areas of Self Awareness

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Preferred Hand

Non-Preferred Hand

Activity
Write your name with your preferred hand _________________ Write your name with your nonpreferred hand ________________

How did that feel?

How did that feel?
Trying to learn to use new styles will feel like trying to write with your non-preferred hand. You will need to over-learn new behaviors in order to feel comfortable using them

QUESTIONS
THANK YOU