Introduction to the

Five

LOVE LANGUAGES
How to Express Heartfelt
Commitment to Your Mate

Gary Chapman

1. Words of Affirmation

I can live for two months on a good

compliment. -Mark Twain

Reckless words pierce like a sword,

but the tongue of the wise brings
healing.
Proverbs 12:18
A gentle answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1

Love is a Request, Not a

Demand
You know those apple pies you
make? Would it be possible for you
to make one this week? I love
those apple pies.

Love is a Request, Not a

Demand
Havent had an apple pie since the
baby was born. Dont guess Ill get
any more apple pies for eighteen
years.

2. Quality Time
Giving someone your undivided attention.
Sharing an activity in which we are giving
our full attention to the other person.
Quality conversation, focusing on what we
are hearing - listening sympathetically.

My dove in the clefts of the rock, in

the hiding places on the
mountainside, show me your face,
let me hear your voice; for your
voice is sweet, and your face is
lovely.
Song of Solomon 2:14

Principles of Quality Time

1. At least one of you wants to do it.
2. The other is willing to do it.
3. Both of you know why you are
doing it - to express love by being
together.

Babbling Brook & the Dead Sea

If you are a Dead Sea on a date with
a Babbling Brook, you will have a
wonder night. You wont have to
worry, How will I get the
conversation started tonight? She
will fill up the whole evening and
you will go home saying, What a
wonderful person.

Babbling Brook & the Dead Sea

On the other hand, if you are a
Babbling Brook on a date with a
Dead Sea, you will have an equally
wonderful time because Dead Seas
are the worlds best listeners. He will
listen intently to you, and you will go
home saying, What a wonderful
person. You attract each other.

Babbling Brook & the Dead Sea

But five years after marriage, the
Babbling Brook wakes up one
morning and says, Weve been
married five years, and I dont
know him. The Dead Sea is
saying, I know her too well. I wish
she would stop and give me a
break.

Babbling Brook & the Dead Sea

The good news is that Dead Seas
can learn to talk and Babbling
Brooks can learn to listen.
We are influenced by our personality
but not controlled by it.

3. Receiving Gifts
Every good and perfect gift is from
above, coming down from the Father of
the heavenly lights
James 1:17
For it is by grace you have been saved,
through faithand this not from
yourselves, it is the gift of God
Ephesians 2:8

Principles of Giving Gifts

1. Gifts you buy
2. Gifts you make
3. Gift of self

4. Acts of Service
You call me 'Teacher' and 'Lord,' and
rightly so, for that is what I am.
Now that I, your Lord and Teacher,
have washed your feet, you also
should wash one another's feet. I
have set you an example that you
should do as I have done for you.
John 13:13-15

4. Acts of Service
You, my brothers, were called to be
free. But do not use your freedom
to indulge the sinful nature; rather,
serve one another in love. The
entire law is summed up in a single
command: "Love your neighbor as
yourself.
Galatians 5:12-14

Principles of Service
1. Love is a choice; it cannot be
coerced.
2. Service can be done out of love,
or it can be done out of fear,
guilt, and resentment.

Overcoming Stereotypes
A willingness to examine and change
stereotypes is necessary in order to
express love more effectively.
Remember, there are no rewards for
maintaining stereotypes, but there
are tremendous benefits to meeting
the emotional needs of your spouse.

5. Physical Touch
Jesus recognized the importance of
showing love through physical touch.
Filled with compassion, Jesus reached
out his hand and touched the man.
Mark 1:41

People were bringing little children

to Jesus to have him touch them,
but the disciples rebuked them.
14When Jesus saw this, he was
indignant. He said to them, "Let the
little children come to me, and do
not hinder them, for the kingdom
of God belongs to such as these.
Mark 10:13-14

A Note to the Men

Do not confuse sexual desire with the
emotional need to feel loved.
Example:
If your spouse was meeting your sexual
needs as often as you desire, but she
was giving you negative words,
criticizing you, putting you down in front
of others, would you feel loved by her?

The Five Love Languages

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

The Five Love Languages

Take the quiz online:

www.5lovelanguages.com

The Five Love Languages

1. Learn what your primary (and
secondary) love language is.
2. Learn what your spouses love
language is.
3. Learn how to speak the love
language of your spouse so that
you can express your love more
effectively.