COACHING

CONVERSATIONS
Transforming Your School
One Conversation at a Time
By: Linda Gross Cheliotes & Maceta Fleming Reilly

While NO conversation is
guaranteed to change the
trajectory of a career, a company,
a relationship or a life--any
SINGLE conversation can.
---Susan Scott, Fierce
Conversation

Chapter One: Coaching Conversations

The Link to Change
COACHING CONVERSATIONS ARE focused on the other
person.
Highly intentional
Focused on the other person's strengths and challenges, and attributes they bring
to the conversations.
Purpose is to stimulate growth and change.
Lead to ACTION.

Research says...
We resist change neurologically!
Motivating others or ourselves to change requires changing our long
established brain patterns.
Changing our thinking requires deep reflection and intentional, ongoing
practice in order to create and develop new pathways in our brain.
When engaged in Coaching Conversations.based on the research it
fosters deep reflection necessary to establish new thinking patterns
provides ongoing support to practice new thinking skills and behaviors
leads to real change at the surface level and the neurological level

Why are some conversations

difficult?
Holding Difficult Conversationshappens when
Each party in the interaction has a personal agenda
Because neither party has enough information about the other person to understand
the others viewpoint.
Poor listening skills.
When we speak without choosing our words carefully.

How We Speak is Critical in Holding

PRODUCTIVE Conversations.

Moving toward Coaching

Conversations:
Transforming our Special Education Department One Conversation at a time!
Provide as special education leaders conversations that result in reflective thinking
and real change.
On-going, thoughtful, and intentional practice until new neural pathways for
thinking and behaving have been established.
Pick a skill we are each willing to practicevaluing silence, allowing for natural
pauses, noticing nonverbal cues, or asking open ended questions (pg.7)

Leaders must have conversations that

interrogate reality, provoke learning,
tackle tough challenges, and enrich
relationships.
Susan Scott, Fierce Conversations

Chapter Two: The New Leadership Model

Old Leadership Model

Military model: Chain of command

The old leadership model is

predictable and works adequately
within bureaucratic organizations.

Directing and telling

Little focus on developing capacity in
others
Delegating and holding people
accountable with little guidance;if
given a job you are expected to do it.
Culture of compliance
Desire to control the situation

This is not effective in school cultures

that want to support collaborative
teams, creative and critical thinking
skills, and high relationships to
connect with students

Chapter Two: The New Leadership Model

The new leader asks
questions, listens to the
content, and underlying
themes in the answers and
then is able to integrate the
groups thinking into a vision
and direction to which
people respond.

New Leadership Model

Asking, listening and then directing
Focus on personal growth
Delegating, coaching, and modeling
accountability
High task, high relationship, and a
culture of passionate engagement
Sharing resources, collaborating, and
partnering across function areas.
Open and transparent
Respectful of different points of view
Original thinking; exposing ones view
of reality about issues

Leadership Practices Continuum

pg.14
85% of time should be spent coaching

10% in the mentoring zone

creating awareness

teaching

designing actions

offering options

planning and goal setting

5% in the supervising zone

monitoring progress

give advice; give the answer

celebrating success

give advice; by asking loaded questions

Chapter Three: Committed Listening

By deliberately deciding to be a committed listener,
you convey to the other person that they are valued,
that you are open to their ideas even if you do not
agree with them, and that you sincerely want to
engage in a dialogue rather than a monologue.

(Take the Listening Skills Self Assessment in pg 26 to help

determine skills you have mastered and those you wish to
improve upon)

Components of Committed
Listening
Verbal and Nonverbal Communication-- nearly of
meaning between speakers comes from nonverbal
cues
Value Silence-- provide the speaker with space and
time for reflection and processing; allows the
speaker to control the timing, pace, and direction
of a potentially difficult conversation

Components of Committed
Listening (contd)
Avoiding Unproductive Patterns of Listening-Judgement/criticism (i.e. Why did you do it that way? I tried that
last week and it didnt work.)
Autobiographical listening- refrain from telling your own similar
stories to focus his/her full attention on the speaker; this turns
the focus of the conversation to the listener rather than the
speaker
Inquisitive listening- becoming overly curious about irrelevant
details of the story
Solution listening- offering quick solutions; when advice wasnt
sought

Components of Committed
Listening (contd)
Listen Without Obligation to Act
Witnessing the struggle (Kathy Kee)
By your presence and committed listening you convey that you
empathize with the speaker
Allows you to hear what the person is saying rather than
formulating your next response

Chapter Four: Powerful Speaking

Suzanne It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was talking too
much.
- Yogi Berra
This chapter teaches you to learn how to recognize and apply powerful language
through
creating an intention for conversations
Choosing words at the appropriate level
Forming positive presuppositions

Chapter Four: Powerful Speaking

(cont.)
Valuing the importance of avoiding advice
Understanding and developing powerful questions
Focus on specific goals for the conversation and then choose words that will support
your goals.
Powerful speaking is about having a positive influence on others and is the antithesis
of autocratic or authoritarian demands by one person on other people.

Chapter Four: Powerful Speaking

(cont.)
Create an intention
- consider the goal of the conversation. Powerful speakers get ready (form an
intention for the content of the message), aim (think about the context of the
message), and then fire (take action by speaking to achieve the intention).
Choose words at the appropriate level
- Align your speech with your inner purpose and goals. Instead what is important
is to match your inner intentions with words that accurately express what you
mean to convey to others.

Chapter Four: Powerful Speaking

(cont.)
Positive Presuppositions: Expressing Positive Intent
- Questions that begin with did you or have you require, at best, a one word
response: yes or no. Close-ended questions and negative remarks may also
cause the listener to feel defensive, frustrated, inadequate, and dependent.
When educators learn to use positive language they communicate the
standards to be met while affirming efforts and skills.
Avoid advice
- Although her intention was to help and support her staff, Jackie took action and
gave advice before she thought about how she could have turned their issues
into opportunities for her staff to grow more confident and learn strategies for
generating their own issues.

Coaching conversations encourage others

to be reflective and exercise
responsibility.

Chapter Four: Powerful Speaking

(cont.)
Ask Powerful Questions
- positive intent
- open minded
- invite multiple answers, not one correct answer
- Give thought starters to energize the mind and consider new perspectives
- Focus on solutions, not problems
- empower to help the other client go to a deeper level and uncover patterns of
thinking.

Chapter Five: Reflective Feedback

Feedback is a key contributor to motivation. The
need to be valued is a potent emotional force,
and positive feedback fills that need. David
Sousa, Brain-Friendly Learning for Teachers

Feedback
Stimulates learning
Encourages learners and contributes to the learners motivation
Specific constructive feedback that is given in a timely fashion promotes motivation in
others.
Giving good feedback to colleagues helps to build capacity and allows you to be a true
partner.

Three Types of Feedback

1. Negative feedback

This type of feedback is lay it on the line critical feedback focuses on telling someone
what is wrong.

This type of feedback is given and received as criticism.

Prompts alienation

Causes people to become defensive and creates negative attitudes

mode

The receiver often stops listening and causes them to go into a defensive

2. Conciliatory Feedback

This type of feedback is positive and vague, meaning it avoids criticism, is

unsupportive, and avoids conflict.

Think of it as social stroking.

Is seen as pleasant, encouraging, and non threatening, but it can be seen as

empty
and can be seen as evasive or pandering when it is used over time.

3. Communicative (Reflective) Feedback

Feedback that clarifies ideas or behaviors that are being considered

Conveys positive characteristics, concerns, and ideas for improvement

Takes more time due to the thought and effort required

Is read as respectful and honest

Capitalizes on the strengths of people

Creates an environment and allows for true dialogue between two people

3 Steps to Communicative Feedback (David Perkins 2003):

1. Clarify with questions or statements to ensure understanding
o They get conversations started
o Based in concepts or ideas
o Helps to define or name the topic being discussed
o Creates an anticipatory set for a conversation
o Example: Of your resources you used, which ones would provide the most help to move forward?

2. Value statements or questions details the value possibilities of the person or

the topic they plan to discuss
o Asserts a strength observed in the other person
o Identification of positive actions in the situation
o Shows the speakers preference toward their topic
o Example: The scaffolding of your design will help others understand

3. Reflective questions or possibility thinking cause the other person to become

involved by causing them to respond
o Focuses the attention on the other person, rather than the speaker
o Cause the other person to create new connections and see things in a new light
o Cause out of the box thinking
o Example: I wonder what would happen if .

Coaching on the Fly

Occurs when you dont have time for a full conversation

Uses the same 3 steps for communicative feedback

Shows thought and concern, rather than giving a judgment statement

Using Reflective Feedback with Difficult Conversations

Framing the conversation should take no more than one minute

Name what you want to discuss

Identify the value of the person or topic you wish to discuss
Use a possibility thinking (reflective) question
Allow the other person the bulk of the time to talk

Journal Reflection
Create a journal reflection to help you prepare to have a difficult or
important conversation you want to have with someone
Reflective Feedback to Support Excellence

Using language that is coach like to provide structure to conversations

Focuses on the persons strengths while expanding their thinking

Chapter Six: Putting It All Together:

A Way of Being
Key Skills to Coach-Like-Conversations include
Being a committed listener
Speaking with intention
Focusing on the positive
Avoiding advice
Asking powerful questions
Offering reflective feedback
Committed listening, especially by valuing silence and paying attention to the essence of

Next Steps...In Coaching

Coach like leaders are credible and they walk their talk.
Conversations
Keepers of the vision the ones who help others to succeed (not being the problem
solvers or idea generator).
Work towards high relational trust.
Page 94-Figure 6.1 Checklist to review as a group.
Page 99-Powerful Open Ended Questions: stimulate thinking and reflection and lay
the groundwork for moving forward with action & change.
Page 101-Reflective Feedback: provides specific information to others while
maintaining trust within relationships. 1. Clarifying questions or statements 2.
Value potential statements 3. Questions or possiblity statements

WHY..Coaching Conversations

As leaders we can help others find their passions, rediscover their strengths & build from
there.
Gives us the power to transform our department by:
Employing coach-like behaviors
committed listening, powerful speaking, and reflective feedback
convey your belief in their personal brilliance to reflect, generate possibilities, plan, & excute
solutions.

Authentically demonstrates TRUST and COLLABORATION!