|





|

 
| 
 


DLost self hood

DThe child in hiding
DLiving off the false self

͞We are our Real Self only 15 minutes a day.

 of the families in the USA are dysfunctional.

NEED FOR REDISCOVERING AND LIVING BY

THE TRUE SELF!
   !|


Ô

D When we turn responsibility for our life

and happiness over
1. To our ego (false self), and
2. to other people,
and things
   !|


  



O
 

  





  



  
 
  


 
 


  

 

D åeople,
D ålaces,
D Things,
D Behaviors
D Experiences.
 DO






 

 

D v r very Role Models and åroto Types are

dysf nctional.

D We are dependent on External So rces for

Self-Worth & Self-Definition
 Codependency

ARISES FROM NOT BEING IN HARMONY WITH

THE UNIVERSE.

DISÔEASE OF THE SPIRIT

 Dependent

D   " 
#  "


 
 
 


D |
dependent on their parents.

D Being µCv
dependent means that two

people are dependent on each other
emotionally.

D That doesn
t so nd so bad.

 Dependent (contd.)
D B t the problem is when the dependency is h rtf l,
emotionally st nted and/or keeps one or both st ck.

D When yo j st never seem to be able to say µNo

when yo really don
t want to do something, then
that makes yo co-dependent!

D It co ld be beca se yo feel that people won
t like

yo nless yo are doing favors' for them.
 Dependent (contd.)
D ' 




 
 
 


  

 




  

 



 

D '

   

  

 
 

 
 

   

D Learning that your needs are important is a

huge lesson.
 Codependency involves

 
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$ % "
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 .

D We freq ently react to people who are destroying

themselves;

D We react by learning to destroy o rselves.,

destr ctive relationships that don't work. These

behaviors can sabotage relationships that may

otherwise have worked.

 |   
 





    
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In Healthy Dependence And Independence

we Are

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U physical,
U mental,
U emotional and
U spirit al.
 È  
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D It incl des sharing.

D It is reciprocal. Each s pports the other, and accepts

the other for who they are.

D It also means being flexible and having healthy

bo ndaries.

D There is no manip lation, not trying to get things

indirectly. Asks for help directly.
 (



D Has difficulty asking for and accepting help.

D This may be because they have been hurt many

times in the past when they reached out.

D In the unhealed state, they do not experience the

full dimensions of their physical, mental, emotional
and spiritual health.
 Unhealthy Dependence (contd.)

±



  
 
 
  

   

 


 







 
 



±

   


 
  

 
 
 Unhealthy Dependence (contd.)

±



  
 
 
  

   

 


 




 

 
 



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 How does it happen?
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 How does it happen? (contd.)

We keep repeating the patterns of abandonment,

ab se, and deprivation that we experienced in
childhood.

THE CHILD
S VULNERABLE SELF IS WvUNDED ,Sv

vFTEN THAT Tv åRvTECT IT
S TRUE SELF, IT

DEFENSIVELY SUBMERGES (SåLITS vFF) ITSELF DEEå

WITHIN THE UNCvNSCIvUS åART vF THE åSYCHE..

 How does it happen? (contd.)

D A large part of what we identify as o r personality is

in fact a distorted view of who we really are d e to
the type of behavio ral defenses we adopted to fit
the role or roles we were forced to ass me according
to the dynamics of o r family system.

D Wo nded Inadeq ate parents pass it on to

V lnerable children, who accept and internalize the
parent's projected inadeq acy.
 How does it happen (contd.)

D THE CHILD GvES INTv HIDING!

D The årimary Environment in the family system which

is part of the larger emotionally dishonest and
dysf nctional society ,which is part of a civilization
that is based on false beliefs abo t the nat re and
p rpose of being a H man Being.
 È
 


 
 !

D The Child
s respect and integrity are compromised by

physical or other threats.

Ironically, many cl es in childhood indicating co-

dependence-in-the-making are highly val ed and
rewarded ± e.g. compliance, overly willing to please,
easily yielding to other
s wishes ± said to be µgood kid
.
 A tension b ilds:


 



 


 

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 Co-dependence is different from Inter-
dependence

D Co-dependence is giving away power over o r self-

esteem- taking o r Self -definition & Self-worth from
o tside. We make that o r higher power. Then I
become a VICTIM.

D We are driven by repressed emotional energy from

childhood wo nds.

D We keep trying to get healthy attention & affection

which we did not get in childhood.

D We do not identify or address o r own needs &

desires.
 COÔDEPENDENCE CAN BE DISGUISED
AS:

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 How does it happen? (contd.)
We never learnt abo t o r personal power.

We simply were not shown, ta ght or allowed

to claim & se it.

To s rvive, we gave o r power away & may

still be giving it away.

åERSvNAL åvWER= AWARENESS


 

 

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Õ Responsibility

 

 

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 How does it happen? (contd.)
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 IT SHOWS AS ILLNESS
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D Denies need for relationship with Higher

Power, Hides selfÔhate, shame & guilt under
love of another.

D Assumes that there is only limited amount of

love to go around.
 Two Roads: TRUE or FALSE self

If we choose Tr e Self we ,we can realize

D SELF KNvWLEDGE ,
D GRvWTH &
D SERENITY.

As we live the nfolding divine mystery of

being o r tr e self in Experiential Connection

with o r Higher åower.

 RECOVERY

(./=$È,.-$È/$=(/+/&
0,.-$È/(.|).+|,)+|).+|,)(+

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+$=$+,$È+/=|È&)=Èåå,./++1&(&,/.$)($+,/
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 Recovery (contd.)
D /-,.+$È/)/.$/,$å)//++./++.=/|È&)=È/å
)($+,/)(=&+/+/&

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 ' = 'å 
(Core of our being is LOVE)
Become CoÔCreator ʹJoin True Self With Higher Power in Loving
harmony
LvNG TERM GvAL

° LF AWAR
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 Recovery Plan (contd.)
° LF R °
°L

D Identify, re-experience and grieve the pain of any

ngrieved losses, h rts ,mistreatments alone and
with safe others.

D Identify and work thro gh major core iss es

D Grieve loss of my childhood in gro p

D Develop & se ongoing S pport System

 Recovery Plan (contd.)

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D "
 ' !  

D " 
 " A major Crucial Part

Get down on the floor and wrestle with each feeling.

Then get to know them so well that you can

ͻ recognize it
D feel it
D experience it
D work thro gh it
D se it
D and then let it go
 Essentials for recovery

D  
"="  may feel like
helpless child for few minutes.

D | !"||#$#%
 TRUE SELF & FALSE SELF
TRUE SELF FALSE SELF

Authentic 1 2 3 4 5 Mask

Spontaneous 1 2 3 4 5 Plans and Plots

Expansive,Loving 1 2 3 4 5 Contracting, Fearful

Giving,Communicating 1 2 3 4 5 Withholding

Accepting of self & 1 2 3 4 5 Envious,critical,ideaÔ

others lized, perfectionist
Compassionate 1 2 3 4 5 Other oriented, Overly
conforming
 True Self & False Self (contd.)
Loves unconditionally 1 2 3 4 5 Loves conditionally
Feels feelings, includeÔ Denies or hides
ing appropriate, sponÔ feelings including
taneous anger long held anger
(resentment)
Assertive 1 2 3 4 5 Aggressive or/&
passive
Intuitive 1 2 3 4 5 Rational, Logical
Child within, Inner 1 2 3 4 5 OverÔdeveloped
child; ability to be parent/scripts,
childlike. may be childish
 TRUE SELF & FALSE SELF (Contd.)
Needs to play & have fun ! 2 3 4 5 Avoids play and fun

Vulnerable 1 2 3 4 5 Pretends always to be

strong

Powerful in true sense 1 2 3 4 5 Limited power

Trusting 1 2 3 4 5 Distrusting

Enjoys being nurtured 1 2 3 4 5 Avoids being nurtured

Surrenders 1 2 3 4 5 Controls, Withdraws

SelfÔindulgent 1 2 3 4 5 SelfÔrighteous

Simplifies 1 2 3 4 5 Complicates, is ͚rational͛

Wants to be real, connect, 1 2 3 4 5 Wants to be right, control,

experience, create & love tells us the opposite of
what we want & need.
 TRUE SELF & FALSE SELF (Contd.)

NonÔdefensive, though 1 2 3 4 5 Defensive

may use ego defenses

Connected to its Higher 1 2 3 4 5 Believes it is Higher Power

Power
Open to the unconscious 1 2 3 4 5 Blocks unconscious
matter

Remembers our oneness 1 2 3 4 5 Forgets our oneness,

Feels separate
Free to grow 1 2 3 4 5 Tends to act out unconÔ
scious often painful
patterns repeatedly
Private self 1 2 3 4 5 Public self