Emotional Intelligence:

for
Developing Leadership Competence

Dr Dinesh Pant
What makes a person successful in
leadership roles?

Environmental forces
Much of success / failure of a person is due
to the outside forces.

Personal competencies
Every one is personally responsible for his /
her success or failure.
 Discover the 90/10 Principle
10% of life is made up of what happens to you.
90% of life is decided by how you react
We cannot control a traffic red light while driving,
but we can control our reaction to the light.

Let's use an example:

You are having breakfast with your family. Your
daughter knocks over a cup of tea onto your
business shirt. You have no control over what just
happened.
What happens next will be determined by how you
react.
One possible reaction: You curse

You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in
tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the
cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm
upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been
crying not finishing breakfast and not getting ready for school. She misses the bus.
Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your
daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph
speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing NRs 200 traffic fine away, you
arrive at school.
Your daughter runs into the school building without saying goodbye. After arriving
at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has
started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward
to coming home.
When you arrive home, you find coolness in your relationships with your spouse
and daughter. Why? ..
Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it? Because of how you reacted in the morning?
The other possible reaction: Here is what could have and
should have happened.
Tea pours over you. Your daughter is scared and about to
cry. You gently say, "Its Okay dear, you just need to be more
careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After
grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back
down in time to look through the window and see your child
getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5
minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss
comments on how good the day you are having.
Notice the difference?
Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended
different.
Why?
Because of how you REACTED.
What makes a person successful?

Success requires a positive mindset !

Positive mindset includes all major
psychological properties and processes:

Thinking
Feeling
Willing
Doing (behaving)
 New Areas of Managerial Competencies
Conventional meaning of Intelligence Quotient (IQ) is
based on cognitive skills (knowledge-based)

Such high IQ is not enough to perform managerial roles in

the modern world

Multi-intelligence is needed!
New intelligence typologies are:
Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Moral Intelligence (MQ)
Spiritual Intelligence (SQ)
All these help to build positive attitudes!
What is Emotion ?
A movement in our state of mind; moved or
excited state of mind!

Any kind of feeling

- May manifest in many forms, e.g., love, fear,

anger, excitement, embarrassment, etc.

- Both expressed or suppressed!

- Argued to be both psychological and
biological or physiological!
Emotional intelligence
one's ability to manage emotions in self and
others and use the emotions adaptively

(Theorized first by Peter Salovey and John Mayer in 1990

and then operationalised and popularized by Daniel
Goleman in late Nineties through the best selling books
. Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more
than IQ (1995) and Working with Emotional
Intelligence (1998).
 Improving EQ in its Five Dimensions
1) Creating self-awareness (knowing ones own
emotions)
2) Regulating or managing emotions (managing
feelings to behave according to the needs)
3) Motivating self (self-motivation)
4) Understanding emotions in others (empathy)
5) Handling relations with others
Has expanded in many other forms, e.g., expression of /
access to emotion, etc.
Consequences of High EQ
High EQ generates feelings that build positive attitudes:
Motivation
Satisfaction / Happiness
Desire
Self-esteem
Self-control
Friendship
Appreciation
Peace
Attributing setback or failure to immediate environment,
temporal factor and external weakness (with optimism):
Laughing at own set back by taking different perspectives
 Consequences of Low EQ
Low EQ generates feelings that build negative attitudes:

Anger, resentment, frustration, disappointment, etc.

Loneliness, depression, stress, etc,

Fear, instability, etc.

Guilt, victimization, hurt, etc.

Attributing setback or failure to larger environment, permanent

factor and internal weakness (with low optimism)
Contributors for leadership / managerial success
Cognitive intelligence (IQ) - 20%

Emotional intelligence (EQ) and others - 80%

IQ gets you hired, but EQ gets you promoted

Both combines to make you success!

Older the happier a recent research finding

Ones definition of happiness changes as he or she
grows older
Uses of EQ at workplace (team/organization)
Taking leadership or having leadership influences
Resolving interpersonal conflicts
Developing team spirit / promoting cooperation
Creating a positive work culture (where service-seekers and
staff feel safe, trusted, included, respected, valued, cared)
Promoting clientele relationships (making people feel
heard, helped, served, respected, etc.)
Dealing with situational pressures (uncertainty, irrationality,
injustice, inconsistence) with tolerance and optimism
Dealing with people resorting to agitation / aggression
Building positive mindsets (positive belief, optimism, desire,
thinking, feeling, coping with cynicism, etc.)
Improving productivity (with cooperation, collaboration, etc. )
Can we choose to feel?
Emotions (like anger, love, fear, guilt,
stress, etc.) are natural, spontaneous
human manifestation

But,
You can learn to choose what or how you
want to feel

Too much - Over-regulation?

Too little - Under-regulation?
Balancing is desirable!
Managing emotion: What and how?
Managing emotions is self-regulation of
emotions (both temporal and habitual)
according to the situational needs :

Managing emotions through:

- Knowing / Assessing your own emotional

state or traits (understanding)

- Using / Developing competencies to deal

with emotion (acting)
 IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS

Self-Assessment Exercise
Common Demands Rating Scale
Below are some common demands people make. We call them the "Dirty Dozen" On a scale from 1-5, rate how these beliefs apply to you.
1. Very Seldom applies to me 2. Seldom applies to me
3. Sometimes applies to me 4. Often applies to me
5. Very often applies to me
(Note: You may want to photocopy this scale, fill it out, and place it in your notebook for future reference.)

1) I must be perfect and never make a mistake. ---------

2) I should always be in control. --------
3) I must succeed. I can't stand failure ---------
4) I should please and gain approval. Rejection is horrible. ---------
5) I am a victim of my past or present circumstances and
therefore am doomed to suffer. ---------
6) Life must be fair ---------
7) People should give me my own way. ---------
8) Some groups or people are inferior. ("All of them are ...."
"They should keep their place." Or, "They should not ---------
exist.")
9) I must be right. ---------
10) I must win: failure is unbearable. ---------
11) Others should appreciate the things I do for them ---------
12) Life should be easy. ---------
Incident 1
You have been ignored for a promotion by the
management for which you were eligible.
Moreover, one of your juniors has been
promoted. You are upset and feel frustrated.
What do you do?
Talk it over with your boss and ask for
reconsideration of the management's decision.
Start abusing the colleague who superseded you.
Move to court and obtain a stay order to get justice.
Identify your shortcomings and try to improve your
performance.
 Incident 2
You get into an argument with your colleague in the
course of which you end up personally attacking
him/her. However, you never intended to tarnish the
image of your colleague. How will you tackle this ugly
situation?
Sit calm and consider what triggered off the argument and
was it possible to control your anger at that point of time.

Avoid future arguments and leave the scene.

Apologize to your colleague.

Continue with the argument till you reach some definite

conclusion.
Incident 3
Imagine that you are a security officer posted in a
sensitive area. You get information of violent ethnic
clashes between two religious communities in
which people have been killed from both sides and
property damaged. What action will you take?

Decide not to visit the spot personally as there may be a

danger to your life.

Relax this is not the first time riots have occurred.

Try to handle the situation by taking all desired remedial

measures.

Reach the spot and empathize with the feelings of the

victims.
Incident 4
You are on an aircraft and suddenly the pilot
announces that it has been hijacked by the
terrorist. Everyone is in a state of shock.
What will be your reaction?
Blame yourself for choosing an inauspicious day for
traveling.
Be in emotional control and attend to the instructions of
the pilot/air hostess.
Continue to read your magazine and pay little attention to
the incident.
Cry out and vow not to travel by air in future.
Behavioral Guidelines for Improving EQ
and building positive attitudes
1) Creating Self-awareness:
- Respect yourself: e.g., accept your innermost
feelings

- Be positive: e.g., have confidence in your own

ability, avoid being cynical

- Be true to yourself: e.g., know strengths /

limitations and act accordingly I need help!
Critical incident - 1
You have differences with someone in the
meeting. Afterwards, you heard being
openly commented. What do you do?
a) Ring the person straight away and speak
out on it.
b) Put down in writing why he has been a
subject of public criticism.
c) Wait until the next time you meet that
person and talk about it then
Critical Incident 2
Someone challenges something you say. How do
you respond?

Say, "That is just the type of things I would

expect from you

Ask the person, "what's wrong with my point of

view?

Say "I have another option, but I would like to

hear what others have to say first".
Contd Behavioral Guidelines for EQ
2) Managing (Regulating) Emotions:

- Defer judgment; curb impulses

- Park the problems; detach yourself

- Be flexible: go with the flow: do not force

- Manage your non-verbal communication

Emotionally stable person is often happy!

Contd. Behavioral Guidelines for EQ
3) Motivating Self:

- Striving to improve / achieve high standards

- Being committed to achieve your goals

- Taking the initiative and seizing opportunity

- Being optimistic even in the face of

difficulties / setbacks
 Contd Behavioral Guidelines for EQ

4) Understanding / responding to others emotions:

- Being sensitive towards and understanding other

people

- Making the needs and interests of others your

point of reference

- Furthering the development of other people

- Being tuned in socially and politically (rule of game)

Contdbehavioural guidelines for EQ
5) Handling interpersonal relations:
Inspiring and guiding groups and people
Articulate and arouse enthusiasm for a
shared vision and mission
Step forward to lead as needed
Guide the performance of others while
holding them accountable
Lead by example
Regulating specific emotions
Anger
Stress (anxiety)
Hurt
Guilt
Love (affection)
Fear (shyness)
Joy
 ANGER: A Self-Assessment Exercise
Anger Provocation Scale
We all have "anger buttons" or triggers things that happen to which we give an angry response. Below, several situations with the
potential for stimulating anger are described. On a scale of 0-5, rate the level of provocation each situation has for you.
0. Does not provoke my anger 1. Very seldom provokes my anger
2. Seldom provokes my anger 3. Sometimes provokes my anger
4. Often provokes my anger 5. Very often provokes my anger

1. When I find things are unfair. ---------

2. Being interrupted when I'm busy --------
3. When I am frightened. ---------
4. When I am anxious. ---------
5. When things don't happen when I want them to ---------
6. When people don't do what I think they should do ---------
7. When I don't live up to my own expectations ---------
8. When things don't work the way I think they should. ---------
9. When I'm in hurry. ---------
10. When I'm under stress. ---------
11. When I think I've been betrayed. ---------
12. When I feel cornered. ---------
13. When I make a mistake. ---------
14. When I'm tired. ---------
15. When I feel guilty ---------
Knowing your anger state

Subject-matter (source / triggers)

Frequency

Intensity

Duration

Type of expression
Strategies for managing Anger
Keep rating your anger
Manage your stress level self-talk phrases
(e.g., take it easy, relax, stay cool, maintain mutual
respect, work for win-win, etc.)
Use your sense of humor
Develop empathy to others concern
Pay attention to your body language
Get rid of the ghosts from the past
Develop a list of things to do when I am
angry
Express anger properly, if necessary
Guidelines for expressing anger
Make sure that anger:

is directed at the right person

satisfies your need to regain control and seek

justice

promotes a change in behavior or gives you

new information about the persons behavior

has meaning to the other person

encourages cooperation rather than retaliation

Guidelines for managing Hurt
Engaging in physical exercises
Recalling past successes
Modeling: studying people who appear to be
effective in managing emotions
Interviewing with someone you admire / trust
Self-coaching, e.g., Stay calm!, Take it easy,
You can do it, This too will pass, Let go, let
God!
Using reminders and signals
Distracting yourself
Guidelines for managing guilt
Excuse yourself for acting inappropriately

Avoid belief like I must be perfect, I must

be right, I must please others

Show superiority

Express good intentions

Motivate for positive change

Guidelines for managing Joy
Accepting and affirming
Building courage
Going for it flowing with others
Making humor /making laughter
Promoting self-esteem and social interest
Valuing (developing your own value aided by self admiration)
Getting joy back in your life (like changing TV channel)
Guidelines for managing Guilt
Excuse yourself for acting inappropriately

Avoid belief like I must be perfect, I must

be right, I must please others

Show superiority

Express good intentions

Motivate for positive change

Plan for Life- - Mother Teresa
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered
-- Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives
-- Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some
true enemies --Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you
-- Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone might destroy
overnight -- Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, people may be jealous
-- Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow
-- Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough
-- But give the world best youve got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is all between you and God; it was
never between you and them anyway.
 Happiness
Live with integrity (being in line with your values, beliefs ....)
Live in the moment (enjoying the present stop worrying about)
Express gratitude (for the things you have )
Work in way that satisfies you
Enjoy harmony (being in peace with yourself and the world around)
Do not self-criticize
Avoid being afraid of changes
Enjoy simple things
Giving back to other (+ sharing with other..)
Do not take life too seriously
"Everything is okay in the end, if it's not ok, then it's
not the end."