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Chapter 6
 Relationship: “Set of expectations two (2) people have for
their behavior based on the pattern of interaction between
them”

 Good relationships are those in which interactions are

satisfying to and healthy for those involved.

 Three (3) types of relationships:

1. Acquaintances
2. Friendships
3. Close friends or intimates
 “People we know by name and talk with when the opportunity arises,
but with whom our interactions are largely impersonal” (p. 78)

 Grow out of a particular context

 Guidelines:
1. Initiate conversations by introducing yourself, referring to
physical context, etc.
2. Develop “other-centered” focus by asking questions,
listening, following up
3. Engage in appropriate turn-taking
4. Make comments relevant to what has been said
5. Be polite
 “People with whom we have voluntarily negotiated more
personal relationships”

 Less role-bound and more interpersonally satisfying

 Guidelines:
o Initiation: Be proactive in setting up times to spend together
o Responsiveness: Each person must listen
o Self-disclosure: Friends share feelings with one another
o Emotional support: Provide comfort and support when needed
o Conflict management: Manage conflicts so both parties’ needs are
met
 “Those few people with whom we share close, caring, and
trusting relationships categorized by a high degree of
commitment, trust, interdependence, disclosure, and
enjoyment”

 Platonic relationship: intimate relationship in which

partners are not sexually attracted to each other or do not
act on the attraction they feel (e.g., Will and Grace)

 Romantic relationship: intimate relationship in which

partners act on sexual attraction
 For relationship to remain intimate, both partners must
TRUST one another.

 How do women develop close relationships? Men?

 Guidelines:
o Be dependable
o Be responsive in meeting partner’s needs
o Manage conflict in collaborative manner
o Be faithful in maintaining partner’s confidentiality
o Be transparent: honestly share ideas/feelings
o Be willing to give up things to spend time together
 Known to Self Not Known to Self

Known to
Others Open (O) Blind (B)

Not
Known to Secret (S) Unknown (U)
Others
 First Stage: Beginning and Developing
- Earliest communication focuses on learning about
other person to reduce uncertainty
- Look for feelings of relaxation and confirmation
- If relationship grows deeper, it is perceived to have
closeness
- Partners tend to share greater physical contact
- Partners begin to share feelings, disclose more
personal info, depend upon each other for favors and
support
 Second Stage: Maintaining a Relationship
- Both people behave and communicate in ways that
keep relationship at a particular level of closeness
- In stable relationships, we choose to spend time with
the other person
- We will have established expectations for the kinds
and frequency of unselfish acts each of us will
perform
- Most likely to act selflessly with intimates
 Third Stage: De-escalating and Ending a Relationship
- Sometimes, relationship becomes less satisfying to
one or both partners
- Other times, relationships deteriorate w/o either
partner consciously feeling dissatisfied and deciding
to change the relationship
- Marked by three (3) phases
1. Recognition of dissatisfaction
2. Disengaging
3. Ending
 Seemingly opposing forces that occur in all interpersonal
relationships
o Openness—closedness
o Autonomy—connection
o Novelty—predictability

 We develop and grow our relationships through self-

disclosure (revealing biographical data, personal
experiences, ideas, and feelings).
 Temporal selection: choosing one desire and ignoring the
other for the time being

 Topical segmentation: choosing certain topics with which to

satisfy one desire and other topics for the opposite desire

 Neutralization: compromising between the desires of one

person and the desires of the other

 Reframing: changing your perception about the level of

tension