Interpersonal communication and

relationship
Learning Outcome
After completing the topics students should be able to:

1. Describe the process interpersonal relationship

2. Explain the methods to improve interpersonal
communication and interpersonal relationship skills
Topics Ouline
Social penetration theory of relationships
Purpose of relationship communication
Factors related to interpersonal communication and
relationship development
Social Penetration Theory
 Explain how relationship develop and deteriorate through
exchange of intimate information
 Interpersonal exchanges move from superficial, non-
ntimate information to more intimate information
exchanges through the process of revealing personal
information
 Amount of interaction increases as relationships develops
 Cost-reward considerations determine how fast the
relationship develop
 Dissolution, or de-penetration is the reverse process of
development or penetration
Phases of relationship
development
Relational development
Relational maintenance
Relational deterioration
Relationship development
1. Initiating – short/brief period, involves first impression,
sizing up, attempt to find something common
2. Experimenting – two people decided to find out more, quit
scouting, start getting serious; include sharing personal
information at a safe level eg. What food, movie, music,
people you like (starts early and lasts for weeks)
3. Intensifying – active participation, mutual concern,
awareness that the relationship is developing, since both
parties are developing, information exchange more
personal and more intimate, comfortable with each
other, use private jokes and language, and express
commitment
4. Integrating – when two people starts mirroring each
other’s behaviour in manner, dress and language.
Merge social circle, designate common property and
share interests and values, they know more of each
other than does anyone else, others see them as a
pair
5. Bonding – final stage, commit to each other, exchange
personal items as a symbol of commitment,
participate in public ritual that bond them
(marriage)
Relational maintenance
Establish strategies for keeping relationship together
Relationship stabilizes when the partners reach a basic
level of agreement about what they want from a
relationship
Maintenance phase is represented by a jagged rather
than a straight line to show people may become more
intimate at some point and farther apart at some point,
hence the up and down situation
Dialectic: tension that exists between two conflicting
or interacting forces, elements or ideas
Examples of dialectic: Integration/separation;
stability/change; expression/privacy
Relational deterioration
The process by which relationship disintegrate
1. Differentiating – when two partners starts to
emphasize individual differences instead of
similarities, starts doing things separately, beginning
to pull apart
2. Circumscribing – decreased interaction, shorter time
together, less depth in sharing, starts drawing circle
around himself that does not include the other
person, exchange of feelings, and demonstration of
commitments are disappearing
3. Stagnating – lack of activity together, minimal
interactions, find conversation and sharing awkward,
maybe involved in developmental stages elsewhere
4. Avoiding – reluctant to interact, active avoidance,
hostility, seeing the partner as an obstacle or
limitation, amount of talk decrease, content and intent
negative, constant arguing, fighting, disagreeing, and
flight
5. Terminating – two people are no longer seen by others
or themselves as a pair, dissociate, no longer sharing,
give back or get rid of symbols of togetherness;
divorce, dissolution of relationship as when people no
longer live together, former friends who no longer live
together
Why do we develop interpersonal
relationship? (purpose)
1. The need for inclusion/to be involved with others
2. The need for affection/to hold tender or fond feeling
towards another person
3. The need for control/the need to influence others, the
environment and ourselves
* We are social being, we cannot live in isolation or
vacuum
Factors that influence interpersonal
relationship – initiating stage
1. Proximity – location, near or far (physical,
psychological)
2. Attractiveness – physical,social and task
attractiveness
3. Responsiveness – select those who give positive
response
4. Similarity – same in habits, interest, belief
5. Complementarity – bond with people whose
strength are our weakness, shy vs assertive
6. Social exchange – economic model
+ develop relationship based on rewards and costs
+ costs – time, money, energy
+ rewards – status, increase benefits (physical, social)
+ your form friendship with people who is of the same or
higher worth/value (positive) rather than negative
Factors that influence interpersonal
relationship – relationship maintenance
1. co-cultural differences – differences between man
and women, ethnicities, generations
2. Conversational difficulties – differences in
perceptions, interpretations and values
3. Satisfying relationships – more likely to use joint
rather than individual identity pronoun ‘we’ and ‘us’
rather than ‘I’ or ‘me’
Factors that influence interpersonal
relationship – relationship termination
Individual characteristic
1. Jealousy – being possessively watchful of the partner or
feeling suspicious about potential rivals for the
partners affection
Message characteristics
1. Hurtful message – message that create emotional pain
or upset
2. Deceptive communication – deliberately making
people belief things which are not true
3. Aggressiveness – those who stand up for their rights at
the expense of others and care only about their own
needs but not others
4. Defensiveness – the need to protect self when a
person feels that he/she is being attacked
How to improve interpersonal
communication behaviours?
1. Know the factors that affects interpersonal
communication – perception, self-concept, use of
verbal and non-verbal cues, able to listen and
empathise.
2. Know interpersonal relationship factors – affection
and support, influence: compliance gaining,
compliance resisting, interpersonal dominance
Affectionate and supportive
commmunication
Affection – holding of fond or tender feeling toward
another person
Expression of affectionate feelings – nonverbal such as
hug, touch, kiss, caress; or verbal statements such as ‘I
care about you’, ‘I like being with you’ etc.
Forgiveness is a special form of affection
Supportive communication – giving advice, expressing
concern, offering assistance, giving comforting
messages
How to improve communication in
interpersonal relationships?
 Bargaining – when two parties or more attempt to
reach an agreement on what each should give and
receive in a transaction between them.
- you want to study when your friend wants to go out
shopping
- you want to go out but your mother ask you to help
cook
 Learning communication skills
- understand the importance of perceptual
differences
- understand the role of self-concept
- understand the nature of verbal and non-verbal
communication
- willing to self-disclose
- must be willing to understand others by careful and
conscientious listening
- Communication is reciprocal – dependent on the
other person
- understand that people may have conflicting goals,
different perspectives, or communicate incompetently
- Understand that communication skills will depend on
context, you do not communicate the same way in all
situations
- You must learn communication concepts and skills to
improve
Behavioral flexibility

A flexible person is
- able to self-disclose when appropriate (according to
context)
- Can demonstrate listening but not always the listener
- Can give assistance to those in need
- can be assertive on the job
- can yield (give in) when another person is in control,
- can be independent
- do not use one set of predetermined communication
behaviour
- Not dogmatic/narrow-minded
 To conclude
Learn the communication concepts and use the axioms
to create general principles to help you improve your
interpersonal communication skills