LISTENING

Tools, Attitude, Skills, Knowledge

Characteristics of Groups

Rules and Norms

Roles
Patterns of Interaction
Decision-Making Methods
True or False?
 It is possible to listen without hearing.

 It is possible to hear without listening.

True or False?
 In the parable about Rosemary, the character
Lee used emotive language when he said
that Rosemary would have to spend the night
with him.
Big Ideas – Chapter 4
Listening requires effort

Reasons for poor listening

Faulty listening styles

Listening skills and listening strategies

Communication Climates in
Interpersonal Relationships

 The emotional tone of a relationship.

 A communication climate is
determined by the degree to which
people see themselves as valued.
Conflict & Mediation

The role of
dialogue and
conflict styles
10 reasons for poor listening
 Effort – its hard to stay focused
 Message overload – too much at once
 Rapid thought – 600 wpm vs 140 wpm
 Psychological noise – personal concerns
 Physical noise – distractions (fatigue)
 Hearing problems – frustration
 Faulty Assumptions - “heard it all before”
 Talking has more advantages = > who interrupts
more?
 Cultural Differences
 Media influences – MTV, sound bytes, radio, TV
LISTENING
 What do good listeners look like?
 Verbally
 Nonverbally
 Listening is not a natural process.
 Listening requires effort (active not passive)
 All listeners do not receive the same
message.
 We hear uniquely different messages
 Physiological factors, social roles, cultural
background, personal interests, and needs.
Listening Stages
 Attending – paying attention. Mindfulness.
 Understanding/Interpreting
 Assigning meaning to messages
 PRINCIPLE: The greater the similarity
between individuals, the greater the likelihood
for more accurate understanding.
 PRINCIPLE: People understand best if they
can relate what they are hearing to something
they already know.
Listening Stages … continued
 PRINCIPLE: You understand best that which
you also experience.
 Responding: Giving observable feedback to
speaker
 Clarifying a message
 Care about what the speaker says
 Confirming understanding of a message
 Nonverbal responses
 Feedback – verbal responses
 Remembering
FAULTY LISTENING
 Yes you can go to the  I heard you.
concert, but I want you  I heard you say that you
to call me when you get want me home by 11:00
there, and I want you to p.m.
take out the trash  I heard what you said.
before you go, and you
need to be home before  Here we go again with
11:00 p.m. the trash!
 I don’t think you  Uh huh.
understand what I’m
 I heard exactly what
saying.
you said.
Four Personal Listening Styles
 CONTENT ORIENTED: Focus on issues and
arguments
 PEOPLE ORIENTED: Focus on feelings and
emotions
 ACTION ORIENTED: Impatient and often
finish speakers’ thoughts – tend to second
guess
 TIME ORIENTED: Prefer bulleted talking
points quickly and briefly.
THE PARABLE
The Players
 ROSEMARY  21 year old woman
 HERNANDO  Fiancé
 SVEN  Boat Owner
 LEE  Acquaintance
 SEICCHI  Someone who listens to
Rosemary’s story
ROSEMARY, is a young woman about 21 years old. For a long time she
has been engaged to a young man named HERNANDO and she is coming
from a great distance to meet him for their scheduled wedding. The
problem she faces is that between her and her betrothed there lies a river.
No ordinary river, mind you, but a deep wide river infested with huge
crocodiles.
TEAM ASSIGNMENT
 Discuss the characters whose behavior you
MOST APPROVE and LEAST APPROVE.
 Use active listening skills to reframe what
your team mates said.
 Ask questions to clarify.
 Come up with a group consensus of the rank
order choices.
 LISTENING STRATEGIES

Informational Emphatic

Critically
 INFORMATIONAL LISTENING

 Don’t argue or judge prematurely

 Separate the message from the
speaker
 Be opportunistic
 INFORMATIONAL LISTENING

 Look for key ideas

 Ask questions
 Sincere questions
 Counterfeit questions
INFORMATIONAL LISTENING

 Counterfeit questions
 make statements
 carry hidden agendas
INFORMATIONAL LISTENING

 Counterfeit questions
 seek “correct” answers
 based on unchecked assumptions
INFORMATIONAL LISTENING

 Paraphrase
 Take notes
 Don’t wait too long before beginning to jot
down ideas
 Record only key ideas
 Develop a note-taking format
 CRITICAL LISTENING
 Listen for information before
evaluating
 Evaluate the speaker’s credibility
 Is the speaker competent?
 Is the speaker impartial?
 CRITICAL LISTENING

 Examine speaker’s evidence

 Examine emotional appeals
 Is the evidence recent enough?
 Is enough evidence presented?
 CRITICAL LISTENING

 Examine emotional appeals

Is the evidence from a reliable
source?
Can the evidence be interpreted in
more than one way?
 EMPATHIC LISTENING

Advising
Be confident that the advice is correct
Ask yourself whether the person
seeking your advice seems willing to
accept it
 EMPATHIC LISTENING

Advising
Be certain that the receiver won’t
blame you if the advice doesn’t work
out
 EMPATHIC LISTENING

Judging
 The person with the problem should have
requested an evaluation from you
 Your judgment is genuinely constructive
and not designed to be a put-down
 EMPATHIC LISTENING

Analyzing
 Offer your interpretation in a tentative way
rather than as absolute fact
 Your analysis ought to have a reasonable
chance of being correct
 EMPATHIC LISTENING

Analyzing
 You ought to be sure that the other person
will be receptive to your analysis
 Be sure that your motive for offering an
analysis is truly to help the other person
 EMPATHIC LISTENING

Questioning
 Don’t ask questions just to satisfy your own
curiosity
 Be sure your questions won’t confuse or
distract the person you’re trying to help
 EMPATHIC LISTENING

Questioning
 Don’t use questions to disguise your
suggestions or criticisms
 EMPATHIC LISTENING

Supporting
Make sure your expression of support
is sincere
Be sure the other person can accept
your support
 EMPATHIC LISTENING

Prompting
 involves using silences and brief statements
of encouragement to draw others out, and
in so doing, helping them solve their own
problems
 EMPATHIC LISTENING

Paraphrasing
 Is the problem complex enough?
 Do you have the necessary time and
concern?
 Are you genuinely interested in helping the
other person?
 EMPATHIC LISTENING

Paraphrasing
Can you withhold judgment?
Is your paraphrasing in proportion to
other responses?
 EMPATHIC LISTENING

When and How to Help

Think about the situation
Think about the other person
Think about yourself
 really
It’s
about

seeking first to
understand