JOJI ILAGAN INTERNATIONAL SCHOOL

HOTEL AND TOURISM MANAGEMENT

Personal
Development
Jahariah P. Cerna
Instructor
At the end of the lesson, the students must be able to:

 Discuss an understanding of teenage relationships, including

the acceptable and unacceptable expressions of attractions;
 Express his or her ways of showing attraction, love, and
commitment;
 Identify ways to become responsible in a relationship; and
 Appraise one’s relationships and make plans for building
responsible future relationships.
 A healthy
relationship with
friends is a source
of lifetime
happiness.
Researches have found that relationships are
essential to one’s happiness.
(Berscheld, 1985)
The absence of close relationships can
produce a profound negative effect on an
individual who is deprived of it, such as
feeling worthless, powerless, and alienated.
(Baumeister and Leary, 1985)

Humanity is defined by our relationships.

(Rozenberg, 1995)
 The way in which two or
more people, groups,
countries, etc., talk to,
behave toward, and deal with
each other.
-Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary
The way in which two or more
people or things are connected.
ALIN KA DITO???
Inside the heart enumerate some qualities
and characteristics of your dream future
partner
TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS depending on
the nature of interaction that exist between two or
more entities.

Business transactional relationship

Professional relationship
Family relationship
Friendly relationship
Romantic relationship
Others
PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP
This is the type of relationship
which is closely associated
with a person and which can
only have meaning to this
person.
How are attachments developed?
 3 Attachment Styles
(Ainsworth, Blekar, Waters, and Wall, 1978)

SECURE ATTACHMENT

It is when the primary caregiver is most of the time

present and available and when all the emotional needs of
an infant are met, providing a sense of security to the infant.

Chances are, a child who is exposed to this style of

attachment will grow up to have more secure and stable
relationships.
 3 Attachment Styles
(Ainsworth, Blekar, Waters, and Wall, 1978)

AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT

It is when the primary caregiver is cold and detached,

and even unresponsive to a child’s needs. The child senses
rejection and this often leads to premature detachment and
self-reliance.
A person who experienced this style of attachment in
infancy and childhood will oftentimes experience unstable
relationships in the future.
 3 Attachment Styles
(Ainsworth, Blekar, Waters, and Wall, 1978)

ANXIOUS-AMBIVALENT
ATTACHMENT
When the primary caregiver is
not consistent in terms of presence and
in meeting a child’s emotional needs.
Often, a person who experienced this
style of attachment in childhood may
develop separation anxieties with a
loved one, or may have mixed feelings
between hesitancy and commitment
when entering into meaningful
relationships.
 What drives attraction?
Stages Of Falling In Love
(Fisher)
1. Lust- is described as the desire phase, is the craving for sexual
satisfaction which is a feeling that evolved in humans to motivate
union with a single partner.

2. Attraction- is described as the lovestruck phase. This is the stage

when a person loses sleep and appetite over someone, and
swoons while daydreaming of this special person.

3. Attraction- when the couple in love decides to continue with the

relationship, they enter the attachment stage where long-lasting
commitments are exchanged, and may lead to raising a family.
Loving has a genetic basis, this is a natural
drive that is as powerful as hunger.
-Fisher
 Why attractions happen?
The Rozenberg Quarterly mentions several theories and
research results related to attraction and liking.

1. Transference Effect
2. Propinquity Effect
3. Similarity
4. Reciprocity
5. Physical Attractiveness
6. Personality Characteristics and Traits
 TRANSFERENCE EFFECT
There are times we meet people who we immediately like or
dislike. Usually, these people remind us of someone in the past
who has affected our sense of self and our behavior (Anderson,
Reznik, and Manzella 1996).
 PROPINQUITY EFFECT
A research conducted by Festinger, Schachter, and Back in 1950
points to proximity as another possible factor why we like a
person. We often develop a sense of familiarity with people who
live close to us, work with us, or go to school with us, which leads
us to liking them more.
 SIMILARITY
We often like people who we have similarities with such as social
class background, religious beliefs, age, and education.

It is a strong factor in friendship and in the selection of a mate

because it promotes intimacy, trust, empathy, and long-lasting
relationships.
 RECIPROCITY
We like people who like us back. It is a stronger basis for liking
another person than similarity.

The more we are liked by someone we equally like, the more we

behave in ways that promote mutual feelings of liking.
 PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS
It is a major factor in liking someone, and usually, first impression
counts, a lot. Physical attractiveness connotes positive health and
reproductive fitness, which are both essential to human survival.
 PERSONALITY
CHARACTERISTICS & TRAITS
People get attracted to two characteristics that lead to liking the
other person, these are: empathic persons, who exude warmth
and sympathy and who are also optimistic and maintain positive
views; and socially competent persons, who are good
communicators and enjoy good conversations.
 LOVE
A strong feeling of affection and concern toward another person, as
that arising from kinship or close friendship

A strong feeling of affection and concern for another person

accompanied by sexual attraction

A feeling of devotion or adoration by God or a god

A feeling of kindness or concern by God or a god toward humans

Sexual desire or activity; the pleasures of love; a night of love

3 Components of LOVE

1.Intimacy
2.Commitment
3.Passion
When people are being sexually or
personally intimate, they may perhaps
also be sharing their feelings and wants
openly with each other.
It is an absolute human certainty that no
one can know his own beauty or
perceive a sense of his own worth until
it has been reflected back to him in the
mirror of another loving, caring human
being.
It is the key component in developing intimacy, where self-disclosure
is practiced which leads no profound and meaningful conversations
that nurture and strengthen intimacy.
It is an act of deciding to consistently fulfill and live by
agreements made with another person, entity, or cause,
and where the values of integrity and respect serve as a
guide to one’s behavior and thinking.
 It is the intense state of being that drives and consumes a
person to pursue an interest, a vision, or a person.

In terms of romantic love, passion connotes sexual

attraction, as well as intimacy.

Attraction serves as the first step toward liking someone, and

reciprocity (mutual liking) is what trigger a couple to move
toward romance and intimacy, and eventually, to commitment.
 Three Variables of Commitment
(Rozenberg Quarterly)

1. Accumulation of all rewards of the relationship

2. Temptation of alternative partners
3. Investments made by the couple in the relationship
 Three Variables of Commitment
(Rozenberg Quarterly)

1. Accumulation of all rewards of the relationship

Considered as the most important determinant of satisfaction in a

relationship, rewards of the relationship include support from
the partner; sexual satisfaction; emotional, financial, and
physical security; adventure; and novelty.

A relationship should be deemed as mutually rewarding by the

couple for them to continue and reinforce their commitment to
each other.
 Three Variables of Commitment
(Rozenberg Quarterly)

2. Temptation of alternative partners

The presence of possible alternatives for another partner can rock

the relationship and destabilize the commitment of a couple.

It was noted that the fewer options a party in a relationship gets

exposed to, the lesser the possibility of breaking the
relationship.
 Three Variables of Commitment
(Rozenberg Quarterly)

3. Investments made by the couple in the relationship

These are also important in maintaining commitment. These

investments may include time spent together, common beliefs
and experiences, mutual experiences with mutual friends, and
bearing children.

It was also discovered that religious beliefs reinforce commitment.

 Spoilers in Married Life
(Rozenberg Quarterly)

1. Criticism
2. Denial of the existence of conflict
3. Contempt
 Spoilers in Married Life
(Rozenberg Quarterly)

1. Criticism

This happens when there is the absence of unconditional

positive regard for each other in a relationship.

Constantly finding fault in other partner will result in

negative feelings and resentment.

Positive and constructive criticism is preferred and done

in a light playful manner.
 Spoilers in Married Life
(Rozenberg Quarterly)

2. Denial of the existence of conflict

When one party eludes the presence of a problem and
refuses to discuss it, as if belittling the problem, it will
result in frustration on the side of the other party.

3. Contempt
Like criticism, contempt is present when someone who
looks down on the party as inferior does not give
unconditional positive regard, and aggravates the
situation by expressing superiority over the other.
 Responsibilities in a RELATIONSHIP
1. Be responsible for what you think and say to the other person.
2. Be responsible for what you promise to do or not do.
3. Ensure the relationship is mutually beneficial.
4. Respect the other party or parties involved.
5. Be ready to provide support when needed.
1. Describe how you express your attraction for
someone.

2. Describe how you express your love for another

person and how you show your commitment to
this person or persons.
Relationships are necessary fo our survival as
species and as an individual. Relationships define
our own humanity, because through our interaction
with others, we learn about human behavior and
emotions, and how to communicate with each
other.
Our attachment to our parents can predict the kind
of relationships we will have in the future. There
are three styles of attachment: secure, avoidant,
and anxious-ambivalent. Attachments are
expressed differently in different cultures.
Dysfunctional attachment styles can be changed
for the better through strong love relationships.
Hormones and physical symmetry primarily drive
physical attraction. Genes are also a determinant
of how we are attracted to other people.
Sternberg’s Triangular Theoryof Love has three basic
components: intimacy, passion and commitment. The
various combinations of these three produce eight
different types of love.

We have responsibilities for all our relationships and

these are primarily anchored on mutual respect, trust,
and integrity.
Santos, Ricardo R. (2016). Personal Development: First
Edition. Manila. Rex Bookstore.