“ ”Realize that others have burdens and pains that we

may know nothing about, and these could be framing

their comments and reactions and inhibiting their
ability to communicate with others appropriately.”

“True leaders understand that communication isn’t ”

as much about the words you say as it is about the
sincerity with which you say them.”
(Bearden, 2018, pp. 6-7)
 SIX FOUNDATIONAL PRINCIPLES
THAT FOSTER EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
Consideration: What could be the other party’s perspective?
Motivation: What is driving the outcomes that I really
want from our conversation?
Appreciation: What am I grateful for in this situation?
Validation: How can I make the other party feel respected and heard?
Conversation: What needs to be said? What needs to be heard?
Celebration: How can we express our success at reaching understanding?

(Bearden, 2018, pp. 6-7)

 WE MUST LEAD WITH EMPATHY
“Empathy and sympathy are often confused. To put it simply:”

“Empathy is the attempt to put

yourself in another’s shoes – “Sympathy is feeling sorry for
to seek to understand someone else’s circumstances.”
another’s perspective.”
“…consideration of the other person’s perspective
always leads to better communication.”

(Bearden, 2018, p. 7)
CONSIDERATION WITH EXPECTATIONS
“Having consideration for what people are going through does
not mean you lower your expectations.”
“Consideration means that you
continually strive to seek “High expectations are the
understanding, and you let that outward manifestation of your
understanding guide the way that belief and hope in others.”
you approach your interactions.”

(Bearden, 2018, p. 12)

“ When you affect the life of one person, you do not just affect that
individual. Your influence can also have an impact upon that
person’s spouse, children, extended family members, friends,
neighbors, colleagues, employees, community members-every
person whom that individual influences can indirectly be
affected by you. Your impact could reach into hundreds,
thousands, or even millions of people’s lives. They are people
whose names you will never hear, but rest assured knowing that
”
your influence has been divinely woven into their journey. There
is no doubt about it: putting others first gives your life purpose.”

(Bearden, 2018, p. 12)

 IMPLEMENTATION
“The next time you are faced with a difficult conversation,
be honest with yourself about your self-centered
thoughts and feelings. Jot them down, and then try to
reframe them by replacing self-directed emotions with
empathetic feelings that take the other person’s
perspective into consideration.”

(Bearden, 2018, p. 17)

 NEGATIVE MOTIVATORS POSITIVE MOTIVATORS
 Anger
 Jealousy  Compassion
 Attention  Kindness
 Lust  Dedication
 Control  Knowledge
 Manipulation  Determination  Significance
 Defensiveness  Love
 Negativity  Diligence  Solutions
 Ego  Patience
 Power  Empathy  Support
 Fear  Peace
 Revenge  Engagement  Truth
 Frustration  Persistence
 Self-  Gentleness  Understanding
 Greed  Positivity
centeredness  Goodness  Wisdom
 Guilt  Productivity
 Self-pity  Grit
 Hatred  Resolution
 Sloth  Insight
 Ignorance  Service
 Suspicion  Joy
 Insecurity

(Bearden, 2018, pp. 21-22)

“A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination.
–Nelson Mandela

“As you live, move, breathe, and speak, your motives behind
your everyday interactions affect the way others perceive
you and trust you. Regardless of whether they are positive or
negative, your motives have an impact upon your ability to
communicate effectively to achieve your desired outcome.”

(Bearden, 2018, pp. 18, 22-23)

 IMPLEMENTATION
“Consider your relationships with others, and honestly
reflect upon what factors motivate your conversations
and communications with them. If you are driven by
negative motivators, attempt to reframe your mindset.”

(Bearden, 2018, p. 25)

 “Be somebody who makes everybody feel like a somebody.”
-Kid President

”Appreciation has power-power LEAD BY EXAMPLE

to transform perspective, power
to uplift and inspire, and power to “When you model appreciation,
initiate change.” you set the standard.“

(Bearden, 2018, pp. 31, 35)

 IMPLEMENTATION
“Use every opportunity to show others your
appreciation, and work on finding multiple ways to
express your thanks. Even when facing a difficult
exchange, begin with a sincere expression of gratitude
for the opportunity to find a solution.”

(Bearden, 2018, p. 36)

 “The greatest need of a human being is to be
understood, validated and appreciated.”
-Stephen R. Covey

”Validation is the language we use to show that we fully recognize

another’s perspective, talents, efforts, feelings, and frustrations.”

(Bearden, 2018, pp. 38, 48)

 “Tone is often the most important part of a conversation-
and listening is so much more important than what you say.”
-Hoda Kotb

”Learn to be comfortable IMPLEMENTATION

with silence; it can speak
as loudly as words.” “Be mindful of how much you speak during
conversations with others…Remember that a
conversation is an exchange, not a soliloquy.”

(Bearden, 2018, pp. 50, 53, 59)

 “Celebration is the way that we express our delight for the
opportunity to engage with someone and find success at
reaching an understanding.”

”A celebration can be simple-a “By celebrating our time with others, we

handshake, a hug, or a note of acknowledge that it is a privilege to be
encouragement.” able to connect with them, and we
strengthen the relationship.”

(Bearden, 2018, p. 65)

 “Preparation is one of the biggest indicators of success.”

“When you prepare children, you give them the gift to be able
to handle life’s obstacles.”

“When you are prepared, you show respect and appreciation for others.”

(Bearden, 2018, p. 73)

”Realize that effective presentations that engage listeners have two
important components: what you say and how you say it.”

WHAT YOU SAY HOW YOU SAY IT BE REAL

 STORYTELLING  PASSION “Perfection is boring.
 KEY MESSAGES  BODY LANGUAGE Authenticity is what
 MOVEMENT is truly appealing.”
 VISUALS  HANDS
 NOTES
 EYE CONTACT
(Bearden, 2018, p. 75-87)
 “The key point is that when the relationship is broken,
reconciliation must occur in order to move forward
and make progress.”
”Forgiveness: IMPLEMENTATION
Ask for it
and offer it.” “If you have a challenging relationship, try finding ways
to spend quality time with one another. If you need to
apologize, do so. If someone has wronged you, work on
finding forgiveness. It is a gift you give yourself.”

(Bearden, 2018, pp. 94, 96)

“But there comes a time in life when we must decide if we want to exist for
ourselves or live for others – a time when we understand that sometimes we
must fight for what is right. In such instances, confrontation is both
warranted and necessary.”

“Sometimes confrontations don’t go smoothly and you might just have to

agree to disagree. Sometimes you might have to stand your ground to fight
for what is right. Sometimes you might have to walk away. But if you begin
with the six principles, you can rest assured that in the very least, you have
handled the situation with honor and grace.”

(Bearden, 2018, pp. 100, 105-106)

 CHAPTER SUMMARY
 “Sometimes, despite our best
efforts, it is better to end a
relationship.
 If you are struggling with a
professional relationship, try the six
principles first.
 You mustn’t give up on children; find
ways to get help when dealing with
them.
 If you are in a dangerous or
unhealthy situation, you must
completely disengage.”
IMPLEMENTATION
“If you find yourself in a situation where you
have to interact with a difficult person, first
try to handle it using the six principles. If you
are in need of support, seek out a mentor or
supervisor. If the relationship is toxic or if
you feel belittled or unsafe, end the
relationship. You deserve better.”
(Bearden, 2018, p. 110)
 ”When you pontificate, you pompously use language to
impress with little regard to how your words will actually
connect with others or convey your message.”

“Whether you’re using the spoken or “Always remember that words

the written word, you must know your that uplift, support, connect,
audience and choose words that will clarify, and instruct possess
draw them in, not perplex them.” far more power than those
that are used to impress.”

(Bearden, 2018, pp. 111-114)

 “Complaining
Doesn’t Improve “If you want to be in an
Things environment where others
 Gossip Poisons uplift, support, and care for
Relationships others, you must demonstrate
 Set The Example those behaviors.”
 Be The Example”

(Bearden, 2018, pp.116-121)

 CHAPTER SUMMARY
 “We are stronger together than when IMPLEMENTATION
we try to function independently
without listening to one another.
“Be mindful of your attention level when
 When we interact with others, we
interacting with others.“
need to take the time to stop, look,
listen, and concentrate.
“Make a concerted effort to concentrate
 A failure to acknowledge others can
more on the people around you and to live in
be a huge roadblock to
the moment.”
communication in your organization.”

(Bearden, 2018, p. 127)

 CHAPTER SUMMARY
 ”When you tell someone that you will be IMPLEMENTATION
there for them, you must keep your word.
 If you make a promise, be sure that you
“Reflect upon your words, and when you
can follow through on it.
are tempted to be untruthful, ask yourself
 People lie to protect themselves, promote
themselves, or push their agendas. why...“
Recognize this, and do not fall into the
same trap. “Choose your words carefully so that
 Those who model honesty and integrity when others think of you, they know that
help to promote those traits in their they can count on you to be there.”
organizations.”

(Bearden, 2018, p. 134)

 CHAPTER SUMMARY
 ”All people should be treated with
respect, regardless of their social status
or differences.
 When we engage with others in our day to
day lives, we should take the time to
speak with them, look them in the eyes,
and validate them.
 Our days are filled with divine
appointments – opportunities to interact
with others and uplift them. Doing so
uplifts us as well.”
IMPLEMENTATION
“As you go through your daily routine,
take note of how often you engage with
the people you encounter.
“Make a conscious effort to say ‘thank
you,’ look people in the eyes, and
acknowledge their worth no matter who
they are.”
(Bearden, 2018, p. 140)
 CHAPTER SUMMARY
 ”There is a difference between truly knowing
IMPLEMENTATION
someone and just knowing of them.
“Reflect on your life experiences
 Our own life experiences shape our insight
and how they shaped your
and understanding of those who have
experienced life through a different lens.
perspectives and views of those
 When you love someone, they don’t only want who are different than you.
you to love them; they also want you to
understand them. Are there areas where you lack
 We should seek out relationships with those understanding?
who have seen the world through a different If so, seek insight.”
lens.

(Bearden, 2018, p. 147)

 Reference
Bearden, K. (2018). Talk to me: Find the right words to inspire,
encourage, and get things done. San Diego, CA: Dave Burgess
Consulting, Inc.