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Narrative Writing

WALT:

To use a variety of sentences in my descriptive


writing
To identify sensory words
To make sure my writing ‘shows’ and does not
‘tell’
What makes a
good
narrative?

Write a narrative with the opening sentence: As they looked in the mirror they were amazed to find two
completely different people smiling back at them.
Starter: Look at the following exam question and brainstorm ideas.

Write a narrative with the opening


sentence: As they looked in the mirror
they were amazed to find two completely
different people smiling back at them.
As they looked in the mirror they were
amazed to find two completely different
What does Fresh-faced people smiling back at them. The
connote? genetic alteration had worked perfectly What genre is this narrative essay?
on the two fresh-faced recruits,
changing their DNA to that which was
deemed suitable by the Human Army.
How is the Human Army portrayed?
What feeling is shown here? Their smiles wore off as quickly as the What is ironic about the title Human
anaesthetic did, and both men now Army?
realised what they had become – no
longer individuals, but templates, only
recognisable as different by the differing
numbers branded upon their shoulders.

What does branded connote?


Why does the writer use the verb
Private B617 was still feeling the after-effects ‘carted?’
of the treatment as he was carted into
the adjacent room and his service uniform was
Is this written in the active or passive
being fitted roughly onto him. His mind voice? Why?
wandered to the past, to a time before his
name was a letter followed by three numbers,
What narrative
technique does the to a time when he was Harry Elson, a farmer What has happened to the
writer use here? back on his homeworld. The day was hot and atmosphere here?
lazy, and his beautiful, fair-haired wife was
beckoning him inside from the bright yellow
cornfield as the golden-orange sun faded in the
sky. He remembered a helicopter, and a
military-looking man greeting him. Something
Why does the writer use the
about a war against a race from far away,
pronoun ‘something?’
something about intervening after a neutral
planet had been invaded, something about
doing his duty. Everything after that blurred
and mixed together in a swirl of colour. What is revealed about Private
B617’s state of mind here?
Private B617 woke up from his daydream to What atmosphere does the
writer create?
find himself gripping a combat rifle in a
A prepositional phrase is
helicopter amongst a group of identical faces.
made up of a preposition
and a noun phrase. Outside, the lashing rain bounced off the
flying helicopter, and in the distance there
was the muffled crackling of gunfire. B617 Who is the figure? Why does the
What device does the writer refer to him as a figure?
noticed that he was being addressed; a figure
writer use here? Why?
with a white stripe down his shoulder-pad
was bellowing orders against the cacophony
of noise outside. He was saying they had
thirty seconds until their drop, and their
objective was to assist in resisting an enemy
counter-attack in this area.

After a brief pause, the order came.

“Drop!”
The helicopter side-door was flung open
How are the soldiers portrayed here?
and one by one, each soldier hurled
themselves out into the darkness. The
What device does the noise hit B617 like a wave. All around
writer use here? Why? him was gunfire, screams, groans, death. Why does the writer use listing here?
As one, the soldiers opened up their
parachutes and glided down to the scarred
Why does the writer Why does the writer use the emotive
battlescape below them. He landed behind
emphasise that the adjective ‘scarred’ to describe the
soldiers are ‘as one?’ the charred wreck of a helicopter, next to
landscape?
a soldier who seemed agitated and was
A portmanteau is a mixture frantically attending to a stream of red on
of two words. Why has the his arm. Getting back to the task in hand, A euphemism is a milder way of
writer used the portmanteau B617 looked up from the wreck, whipped expressing something that is
‘battlescape?’ out his combat rifle and began firing unpleasant. What is the ‘stream of
blindly at dim specks of black against the red’ a euphemism for?
Why does the writer use
the adverb ‘blindly?’ tormented sky. Suddenly he felt a searing
pain in his chest and bent double as if he
had received a blow to the stomach. His
How is this a ‘showing’ head fell down onto the soft, wet earth as
sentence? his chest stained it red. With his last ounce
of strength, he looked up.
In front of him was his sweetheart, her
long, flowing hair almost shimmering
against the orange sky. The bright yellow
corn was swaying from side to side in the
cool summer breeze and all was quiet.
Harry smiled and then collapsed from
exhaustion. Amidst the chaos and
bloodshed all around him, he allowed his
eyes to close. Like the retreating tide,
What device does the writer use
Harry slowly lost consciousness and here? Why?
Why doe the writer use another another number quietly faded away.
euphemism here?
Examiner’s feedback

This is an excellent piece of writing and an example of a first class narrative completed under exam conditions. The initial quotation
blends in beautifully to a futuristic setting in which men have become ‘templates, only recognisable as different by the differing
numbers branded upon their shoulders’. Referring to ‘a stream of red on his arm’ and ‘firing blindly at dim specks’ effortlessly
underlines the fact that the soldier, and the others, do not recognise what they are doing as they are now non-human. Flashback is
beautifully handled and is used again as a structural device to bring the dying ‘robot’ soldier back to a happier, human time and provide
an excellent, well thought out ending.

The writing is sophisticated, clever and virtually error free.


Plenary

Write the opening paragraph for your essay - make sure you
include:

sentence variety - a compound sentence, complex sentence, or a


complex-compound sentence;

a sentence using sensory details;

a ‘showing’ sentence.

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