ASSERTIVE

NESS
FOUR COMMUNICATION AND
PERSONALITY STYLES
PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR
 Individuals appear passive on the surface but are
really acting out anger in a subtle, indirect, or
behind-the-scenes way.
 Takes many forms but can generally be described
as a non-verbal aggression that manifests in
negative behavior.
 It is where you are angry with someone but do not
or cannot tell them.
 Feel powerless, stuck, and resentful – in other
words, they feel incapable of dealing directly with
the object of their resentments.
 It may also involve indirectly resisting requests
from others by evading or creating confusion
around the issue.
 Mutter to themselves rather than confront the
person or issue
 Have difficulty acknowledging their anger

 Use facial expressions that don't match how they

feel - i.e., smiling when angry
 Use sarcasm

 Deny there is a problem

 Appear cooperative while purposely doing things

to annoy and disrupt
 Use subtle sabotage to get even
IMPACT
 Become alienated from those around them
 Remain stuck in a position of powerlessness

 Show resentment while real issues are never

addressed
PASSIVE BEHAVIOR
 Individuals have a pattern of avoiding expressing
their opinions or feelings, protecting their rights,
and identifying and meeting their needs.
 Do not respond overtly to hurtful or anger-
inducing situations.
 Allow grievances and annoyances to mount.

 In case of an outburst, however, they may feel

shame, guilt, and confusion, so they return to
being passive.
IMPACT
 Anxious --- because life seems out of their
control
 Depressed --- because they feel stuck and
hopeless
 Resentful --- (but are unaware of it) because
their needs are not being met
 Confused --- because they ignore their own
feelings
AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATION
 Individuals express their feelings and opinions and
advocate for their needs in a way that violates the
rights of others.
 Verbal and/or physical abusive.
 Dominate others
 Use humiliation to control
 Criticize, blame, or attack
 Very impulsive
 Low tolerance
 Speak in a loud, demanding, and overbearing voice
 Act threateningly and rudely
 Not listen well
 Interrupt frequently
 Use “you” statements
IMPACT
 Become alienated from others
 Alienate others

 Generate fear and hatred in others

 Always blame others instead of owning their

issues.
ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION
 Individuals clearly state their opinions and
feelings, and firmly advocate for their rights
and needs without violating the rights of
others.
 Value themselves, their time, and their
emotional, spiritual, and physical needs and
are strong advocates for themselves while
being very respectful of the rights of others.
ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATORS WILL
 State needs and wants clearly, appropriately, and
respectfully
 Express feelings clearly, appropriately, and respectfully

 Use “I” statements

 Communicate respect for others

 Listen well without interrupting

 Feel in control of self

 Have good eye contact

 Speak in a calm and clear tone of voice

 Have a relaxed body posture

 Feel connected to others

 Feel competent and in control

 Not allow others to abuse or manipulate them

 Stand up for their rights

IMPACT
 Feel connected to others
 Feel in control of their lives

 Are able to mature because

they address issues and problems as they arise

 Create a respectful environment for others to
grow and mature
MYTHS ABOUT
ASSERTIVENESS
1. Assertiveness is same as aggressiveness.
2. If I am assertive I will get what I want.
3. If I am assertive I have to be assertive in every
situation.
 RULES OF
ASSERTIVENE
SS
 Respect yourself
 Recognize your own needs as an individual

 Make clear “I” statement

 Allow yourself to make mistakes

 Change your mind, if you choose

 Ask for “thinking it over time”

 Allow yourself to enjoy your success by being

pleased with yourself
 Ask for what you want

 Respect others
 DEVELOP
ASSERTIVENE
SS
 Speak honestly
 Develop a Strong self-image

 Admit mistakes

 Take a stand

 Control your emotions

 Solve problems
ASSERTIVE
STEPS
 Step#1: Choose the right time and place
 Step#2: Get the listeners’ attention
 Step#3: State what you want honestly and openly
 Step#4: Speak in specifics and not generalities
 Step#5: Ask questions to foster understanding
 Step#6: Seek feedback
 Step#7: Listen and acknowledge others
 Step#8: Pay attention to your tone and voice
 Step#9: Reach your goal
HOW TO ASK SOMETHING?
 Use an “I” statement that contains the word
“need” or “want” or its equivalent. For
example:
 I need to be alone for a while.

 I need help with this math problem, can you

please help me / I would love if you can help
me.
 I want to go home now, please excuse me.

 I need to talk to you.

LEARN TO SAY NO!
 If you allow yourself to do things against your will
or judgment, you may end up feeling resentful
and used.
 I am afraid I cannot do it right now.

 Oh! I would have loved to but I am a little

occupied right now.
 I think I explained quite clearly this problem last
time, why don’t you go through your notes once.
 Thanks for asking, but no.

 I have promised myself to finish this paper today,

so may be some other time.
 Thanks for concern but I think I will be able to
manage.
AND WHILE YOU ARE
BEING ASSERTIVE DO
NOT FORGET TO GIVE
PEOPLE A GENUINE
SMILE AND OTHER
RESPECTFUL
GESTURES 