Interpersonal Effectiveness

Vinod Jindal
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 Objectives

At the end of the session the participants

will be able to:
 Explain the concept and need of
interpersonal effectiveness; and
 List the factors influencing interpersonal
behaviour.
 List bases of effective interpersonal
relationship.

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 Assessing Interpersonal Relationship

 The extent to which the relationship

is -
1. Achieving the goal for which it was
established; and
2. Contributing to well-being and
personal growth of the persons
involved

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 Consequences of Poor Relationship

 Poor Health.  Poor self-esteem.

 Mistrust.  Prejudice.
 Anger.  Breakdown of
 Lack of Morale.
Communication.  Conflict.
 Close-mindedness.  Unhappiness.
 Isolation &  Frustration.
Confinement.  No team-spirit.
 Suspicion.  Stress.

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 Exercise

1. List 2 persons who are effective in

relating and working with people
2. What are their qualities? List
3. Are they successful?
4. Categorise them as K,S or A.

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 Emotional competence

1. Perseverence, Patience, Control on

emotions.
2. Such people have EQ besides IQ
3. It is a matter of practice to use
Emotions Intelligently

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 To be successfull

1. Self Awareness. How?

2. Keep Introspecting

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 Self
Awareness

Factors of
Social Self
Emotional
Awareness Management
Intelligence

Social Skill

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 Do I practice Self Edit and Self Audit?

 My likings My dislikings

 My strengths My Weaknesses

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Foundations of Effective
Interpersonal
Relationship

Activity- Role Play

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 RECOGNITION OF MUTUAL PURPOSES,
RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES

 Respect for autonomy and rights

of others
 I-thou Vs I-it relationship
 Commonality of purpose
 Reciprocal responsibility

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A REALISTIC VIEW OF SELF AND
OTHERS

 A realistic view of
self
 An accurate
perception of others

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 Johari Window
[Joseph Luft & Harrington]

KNOWN TO SELF NOT KNOWN TO SELF

F
KNOWN 1 E
TO 2
OTHERS E
PUBLIC BLIND
D
B
A
DISCLOSE C
NOT 3 K 4
KNOWN
TO PRIVATE DARK
OTHERS

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 Activity: interpersonal relationship
PLEASE DISCLOSE AS MUCH INFORMATION AS YOU CAN:

 Your Family.
 Your early childhood days.
 People who influenced you most.
 The value you hold very strongly.
 Why are you happy or not happy in
your present job?
 What makes you effective in your
present job?
 What personal weakness inhibit your
performance?
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 Effective interpersonal
relationship
How can we explore the Dark Area?

 Through a special instrument [PAC]

 Transactional Analysis.

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 Effective interpersonal
Communication
 Be sensitive to feelings of others.
 Be a good sender and receiver.
 Be Empathetic.
 Give & receive feedback.
 Listen to others patiently &
actively.
 Mind Verbal and nonverbal
communication.
ACTIVITY

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 Process of Communication

SENDER RECEIVER
Encodes MESSAGE Decodes

FEEDBACK

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Key to effective interpersonal communication

“ Seek first to understand,

then to be understood”

- Stephen R Covey

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INTERPERSONAL ACCOMMODATION

 Basic Process of
Accommodation

 Conflicting, Congruent
& Complementary
Pattern of
Accommodation

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 IMPROVING SOCIAL COMPETENCE

 Helping to meet the needs of others

 Helping the other person feel accepted
 Approving the person while disapproving
his behaviour
 Expressing praise and appreciation
 Learning to give criticism
 Giving the other person a good
reputation.

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 MAINTAINING INTEGRITY

 Taking a stand when it

is indicated
 Learning when and how
to say ‘No’

Exercise

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 BEING SENSITIVE
(to the requirement of the situation)

 Respecting social
conventions
 Understanding role
requirements

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 SOURCES OF DIFFICULTY IN
RELATIONSHIP
 I-IT ORIENTATION
 EGO-CENTRICITY
 MANIPULATION
 DECEITFULNESS
 OVERCONFORMITY
 OVERDEPENDENCY
 REBELLIOUSNESS

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 SOURCES OF DIFFICULTY IN
RELATIONSHIP
 HOSTILITY
 INFERIORITY FEELING
 EMOTIONAL
 PREJUDICE
 UNREALISTIC
EXPECTATIONS

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 General Principles
 Remember we are dealing with emotions, prejudice,
and vanity as well as with logic.
 Try to get other person’s point of view.
 Everybody is more interested in himself.
 We can make others feel important with manners &
little courtesies.
 Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love.
 Nobody likes blunt assault on the ego.
 Always suggest and let others conclude.
 Be a good listener- never interrupt.
 Other man may be totally wrong but we cannot
make him think so.
 We cannot win an argument.

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 General Principles
 Life is an echo/ a boomerang.
 We see things not as they are but as we are.
 Avoid envy/jealousy-crab mentality.
 Adopt win/win principle.
 Accept responsibility.
 Choose your words carefully.
 Do not criticize/complain.
 Smile, be humorous & kind.
 Give honest & sincere appreciation.
 Accept mistakes immediately & willingly.
 Congratulate when someone admits faults.
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 Be grateful but do not expect gratitude.
 Avoid bearing grudges- Forgive & Forget.
 Beware of half-truths.
 Practise Humility.
 Be understanding & caring.
 Avoid ego-’I know it all’ attitude.
 Practise courtesy on daily basis.
 Never be sarcastic to put others down.
 Show Empathy.
 Try to be a better person.
 Pray & Meditate.

Meditation
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 Remember
The six most important words
I admit I made a mistake.
The Five most important words
You did a good job.
The four most important words
What is your opinion?
The three most important words
If you please.
The two most important words
Thank you
The one most important words.
WE
The Least important word
I 28
29
 Each person has:
 Three Ego States

PARENT

ADULT

CHILD
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PARENT

ADULT

CHILD

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NURTURING
P
PREJUDICIAL

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According to Claude Steiner Parent
Ego State is divided into:

1) Nurturing Parent
2) Critical Parent

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 P

Experiences &
Parental training
Adapted Child that influences the
Child
Emerging Little Professor
Adult in Child Untrained infant
Natural Child
in the Child
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 NURTURING
P
PREJUDICIAL

Experiences &
Parental training
Adapted Child that influences the
Child
Emerging Little Professor
Adult in Child Untrained infant
Natural Child
in the Child
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 Any time one person recognises another with
a smile,
a nod,
a frown,
a verbal greeting, etc.

in TA language, is called a STROKE

Two or more strokes make a transaction

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Types of Transactions
Complementary

Crossed

Ulterior

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 Complementary Transaction
 A message sent from a specific ego state,
gets the predicted response from others
specific ego state
 Appropriate & expected & follows the
natural order of healthy human relationships
(Berne)

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P 1 P

A A

C 2 C

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 NATURE OF EGO STATES
PARENT ADULT CHILD
Judgemental Data Gathering Dependence
Critical Data Processing Not OK feeling
Evaluative Weighing and Analysis of facts Compliance
Coercive Problem-solving Obedience
Restrictive Decision-making Conformity
Prescriptive Sulking Rebellious
Prejudicial Curious
Nurturing Exploratory
Supporting Creative
Protecting Intuitive
Affectionate Fun loving
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Types of Transactions
Complementary

Crossed

Ulterior

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 Complementary Transaction

A message sent from a specific ego state,

gets the predicted response from others
specific ego state
Appropriate & expected & follows the
natural order of healthy human
relationships (Berne)

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P P

1
A A
2

C C

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 Young people are nowadays lazy.

P
It is a sign of the P
times.

A A

C C

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P P
He seems to be worried lately.
1
A A
2
Why not we discuss the
C matter with him C

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P P

A A
I shall play mummy and
you the little girl
1
C C
2
Why should I be the little
girl always? 46
 Crossed Transaction

An unexpected response is made to

the stimulus
An inappropriate ego state gets
activated
Lines of transaction between the
people are crossed
A frequent source of pain between
people
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 Husband: Where is the fountain
pen I brought yesterday?
P P

A 1 A

2
C C

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 Ulterior Transactions
Most Complex Transaction
Involve more than two ego states
Ulterior message sent is
disguised under a socially
acceptable transaction

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P P
1
A A
2

C C

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 Crossed Transaction
An unexpected response is made to the
stimulus
An inappropriate ego state gets activated
Lines of transacting between the people are
crossed
A frequent source of pain between people

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P P
2

A A
1

C C

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 Ulterior Transactions
Most Complex Transaction
Involve more than two ego states
Ulterior message sent is disguised
under a socially acceptable
transaction

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P P

A A

C C

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 ASSERTIVENESS

Behaviour that demonstrates

your self respect and respect for
others

It is not Aggression or Passivity

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 Aggressive Behaviour
 Getting your own point across at other
people’s expense
 Getting your own way, no matter what
 Getting people do the things they don’t
want to do
 Being loud, violent, abusive, interrupting
others
 Winning at all cost
 Aggression can be direct or indirect.

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 Aggressive Behaviour
 Wins argument at the expense of
others
 Is felt to be a prosecutor
 Is disliked and feared
 Is overbearing to others
 Is seen as wilful and uncaring
 But is really a coward underneath

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 Passive behaviour
 Keeping quiet for fear of upsetting others
 Bottling things up
 Avoiding conflict at any cost
 Always putting other people’s needs first
 Not expressing your feelings, preferences
 Going along with things you don’t agree with
 Inwardly burning with anger & frustration
 Bing vague about your ideas
 Indecisive while really knowing what you want

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 Passive People
 Loses arguement
 Don’t do what they want or need
 Is indecisive
 Is negative, self pitying
 Is lacking in will power
 May become bitter and resentful in
later life

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 Assertive Behaviour
 Honest to self and other people
 Listening to other’s point of view
 Understands other’s situation
 Expressing self but not at the expense
of others
 Able to reach workable solution
 Making decisions, dealing with conflicts,
speaking up
 Honest and caring

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 Assertive Behaviour
 Win-Win strategy
 Conflicts are resolved openly
 Early solutions
 Confidence increases
 Recognition by others
 Retain their dignity
Grievance – the missed promotion

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