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Despre rana mama

Ceea ce muli oameni nu realizeaza este faptul c problema de baz n centrul de


abilitarea femeilor este rana mam .

ElizabethBauman

Dificultate i provocri dintre mame i fiice sunt agresiv i pe scar larg , dar nu
vorbete deschis despre . Tabu despre care vorbete despre durerea de rana mamei
este ceea ce pstreaz n loc i o menine ascunse n umbr , purulente i din
vedere .

Ce este exact rana mam ?

Rana mama este durerea de a fi o femeie transmise prin generaii de femei din
culturi patriarhale . i include mecanismele de coping disfuncionale care sunt
folosite pentru a procesa acea durere .

Rana mam include durerea de :

Comparaie : nu se simte suficient de bun


Rusine : sentiment de fundal consistent c exist ceva n neregul cu tine
Atenuarea : Senzaie trebuie s rmn mic pentru a fi iubit
Sentiment persistent de vinovie pentru care doresc mai mult dect n prezent
Rana mam poate manifesta ca :

Nefiind pe deplin de sine pentru c nu vrei s amenine pe alii


Avand o toleran ridicat pentru tratament jalnic de la alii
Emoional ngrijire -a lua
Senzaie competitiv cu alte femei

Auto - sabotaj
Fiind prea rigid i domina
Condiiile cum ar fi tulburari de alimentatie , depresie i adicii
Untitled de Fatma Gultekin

n patriarhal noastr , dominate de brbai femei de cultur sunt condiionate s se


gndeasc la ei nii ca " mai puin dect" i nu merit sau vrednic . Acest
sentiment de a fost internalizate i transmise prin nenumarate generatii de femei ",
dect mai puin " .
Atmosfera cultural a opresiunii feminine pune fiice ntr-un "double bind".

Pur i simplu pune, n cazul n care o fiic internalizeaz convingeri incontiente


mamei sale (care este o form subtil de "Eu nu sunt suficient de bun"), atunci ea
are aprobarea mamei sale, dar are ntr-un fel ea i potenialul ei trdat.

Cu toate acestea, n cazul n care ea nu a internaliza convingeri incontiente mamei


ei n propriile limite, ci mai degrab afirm ei putere i potenial, ea este contient
de faptul c mama ei s vad incontient aceasta ca o respingere personal.

Fiica nu vrea s rite pierderea iubirii i aprobarea mamei sale, aa internalizare


aceste limitatoare, credine incontiente este o form de loialitate i supravieuire
emoional pentru fiica.

Se poate simti periculos pentru o femeie de a actualiza deplin potenialul ei,


deoarece aceasta poate nsemna risca o form de respingere de ctre mama ei.

Mama i fiica Statele Unite ale Americii 1956 foto- Leonard Freed

Acest lucru se datoreaz faptului c fiica poate sesiza incontient c emanciparea ei


complet poate declana tristee mamei sau furie la care au trebuit s renune la
pri din ea n propria ei via. Compasiune ei pentru mama ei, o dorin de a ei pe

plac, i o team de conflict poate provoca o s se conving c este mai sigur s se


micoreze i s rmn mici.

O obiecie comun cu care se confrunt rana mam este de a "S trecutul s fie n
trecut." Cu toate acestea, noi nu cu adevrat "evadare" sau ngropa trecutul. Ea
locuiete n prezent n calitate de obstacolele i provocrile cu care ne confruntm n
fiecare zi. Dac evitm a face cu durerea asociat cu una dintre cele mai relaii
primare i fundamentale n vieile noastre, ne lipsesc o oportunitate pivot pentru a
descoperi adevrul a ceea ce suntem i s autentic i bucurie tri acest adevr.

Stereotipurile care perpetueaz rana mam:

"Uit-te la tot ceea ce mama ta a facut pentru tine!" (De la alte persoane)
"Mama mea sacrificat att de mult pentru mine. Mi-ar fi att de egoist de a face
ceea ce ea nu putea face. Nu vreau s fac s se simt prost. "
"i datorez loialitate fa de mama mea, indiferent de ce. Dac i-am suprat, ea va
crede c nu o valoare. "
Fiica pot avea temeri cu privire la ndeplinirea potenial ei, deoarece ea se team de
a lsa mama ei n urm. Ea se team de sentimentul ei de mam ameninat de
vise sau ambiii ei. Ea se team de sentimentele de disconfort la mama ei, cum ar fi
invidia sau mnia. Toate acestea sunt, de obicei, foarte incontient i nu deschis
recunoscut sau a vorbit despre.

Cu toii am simit durerea pe care mamele noastre transporta. i toi suntem


suspecte ntr-o anumit msur c suntem parial de vin pentru durerea ei. Aici se
afl vina. Acest lucru are sens atunci cnd se analizeaz dezvoltarea cognitiv
limitat a unui copil, care se vede pe sine ca fiind cauza tuturor lucrurilor. Dac nu
abordeze aceast credin incontient ca un adult, am putea fi n continuare de
mers pe jos n jurul cu ea i foarte mult limitarea noi nine ca un rezultat.

Adevrul este c nici un copil poate salva mama ei.

Nr sacrificiu o fiic a trimis va fi vreodat suficient pentru a compensa preul ridicat


mama ei ar fi trebuit s plteasc sau pentru pierderile ea a acumulat de-a lungul

anilor, pur i simplu, de a fi o femeie i mam n aceast cultur. i totui, aceasta


este ceea ce face multe femei pentru mamele lor foarte devreme in copilarie:. Fac
incontient o decizie de a nu abandona sau trdeze mamele lor de a deveni "prea de
succes", "prea inteligente" sau "prea aventuros" Aceast decizie este fcut din
dragoste, loialitate si o nevoie adevrat de aprobare i sprijin emoional de mama.

Muli dintre noi confunda a fi loiali mamele noastre cu a fi loiali ranile lor, i, prin
urmare, complice la propria noastr asuprire.

Aceste dinamici sunt foarte incontient i opereaz pe un continuum. Chiar i


relaiile mam / fiica mai sntoase, de sprijin ar putea avea aceast dinamic ntr-o
anumit msur n virtutea pur i simplu fiind femeilor n aceast societate. i
pentru fiicele care au mame cu probleme grave (vicii, boli mintale, etc.) impactul
este poate fi foarte duntoare i insidios.

Mamele trebuie s-i asume responsabilitatea i plnge pierderile lor.

Fiind o mam n societatea noastr este nespus de greu. Am auzit multe femei spun
"Nimeni nu va spune vreodat ct de greu este" i "Nimic nu te pregateste pentru
atunci cnd vei ajunge acas cu copilul i dau seama ce se cere de tine." Cultura
noastr, n special SUA, este foarte greu pe mame, oferind suport puin i muli sunt
creterea copiilor singuri.

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Mesajele nerostite ale societii noastre de a mamelor:

n cazul n care maternitatea este greu, atunci e vina ta.


S v fie ruine dac nu eti super-om.
Exist "mame naturale" pentru care maternitate este uor. Daca nu sunteti unul
dintre acestea, exist ceva profund n neregul cu tine.

Ar trebui s fie capabil de manipulare totul fr probleme: de a avea copii bine-au


comportat, fiind atractiv sexual, avand o cariera de succes, iar o cstorie solid.
Pentru mamele care au sacrificat ntr-adevr att de mult s aib copii n cultura
noastr, se poate simti cu adevarat ca o respingere atunci cnd copilul
dumneavoastr depete sau depete visele ai crezut posibil pentru tine. Poate
exista un sentiment de sentiment datorat, dreptul de a sau care au nevoie pentru a
fi validate de ctre copiii dumneavoastr, care poate fi o manipulare foarte subtil,
dar puternic. Aceast dinamic poate provoca urmtoarea generaie de fete pentru
a se menine mici, astfel nct mamele lor poate continua s se simt validate i
afirmat n identitatea lor ca o mam, o identitate care muli s-au sacrificat att de
mult pentru, dar a primit atat de putin sprijin i recunoatere la reveni.

Mamele pot proiecta incontient furie n adncime ctre copiii lor n moduri subtile.
Cu toate acestea, furia ntr-adevr nu este fa de copii.Furia este spre societatea
patriarhal, care necesit femeile s-i sacrifice i cu totul se diminueaz, n scopul
de a mamei un copil.

Iar pentru un copil care are nevoie de mama ei, sacrificnd se intr-un efort de a
usura durerea cumva mama ei este de multe ori o decizie subcontient fcut foarte
devreme n via i nu a descoperit ca fiind cauza de probleme de fond dect mult
mai trziu, atunci cnd ea este un adult.

Exist Rana mama pentru c nu exist un loc sigur pentru mame de a procesa furia
lor despre sacrificiile pe care societatea a cerut de ei. Si pentru ca fiicele nc se tem
de incontient respingere pentru alegerea sa nu faca aceleasi sacrificii ca generaiile
anterioare.

n societatea noastr, nu exist nici un loc sigur pentru o mam la cloac furie ei. i
att de des se iese incontient de copii cuiva. O fiic este o int foarte puternic
pentru furia mamei c fiica nu a fost nc trebuit s renune la personalitatea ei
pentru maternitate. Tnrul fiica poate aminti mama a potenialului ei a trit-ne. i
dac fiica se simte suficient de demn de a respinge unele dintre mandatele
patriarhale care mama a trebuit s nghit, atunci ea poate declana cu uurin c
furia subteran pentru mama.

Matt Wisniewski

Desigur, cele mai multe mame doresc ceea ce este cel mai bine pentru fiicele lor. Cu
toate acestea, n cazul n care o mam nu i-a ocupat cu propria ei durere sau sa se
impace cu sacrificiile le-a avut de a face, dect sprijinul pentru fiica ei pot fi
mpletite cu urme de mesaje care insufle subtil ruine, vinovie sau obligaie. Ele
pot infiltra n situaiile cele mai benigne, de obicei, ntr-o form de critic sau o
form de a aduce laud napoi la mama. Nu este, de obicei, coninutul declaraiei, ci
mai degrab energia cu care se transmis c poate transporta resentimente ascunse.

Modul de o mam pentru a preveni conducerea furia ei la fiica ei i care trece pe


rana mam, e de mama sa planga pe deplin i plnge propriile pierderi. i pentru a
v asigura c ea nu se bazeaz pe fiica ei ca principal ei surs de sprijin emoional.

Mamele trebuie s plnge ceea ce au trebuit s renune, ceea ce au vrut, dar nu va


avea niciodat, ceea ce copiii lor nu pot s le i nedreptatea situaiei lor da. Cu toate
acestea, n calitate de nedrept i nedrept aa cum este, aceasta nu este
responsabilitatea fiica s se mpace pentru pierderile mamei sau s se simt obligat
s se sacrifice n aceleai moduri. Pentru mame, Este nevoie de putere i integritate
extraordinar de a face acest lucru. i mamele au nevoie de sprijin n acest proces.

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Mamele elibera fiicele lor atunci cnd prelucreaz n mod contient propria lor
durere, fr a face probleme, fiicei lor. n acest fel, mamele desprind fiicele lor s
continue visele lor fr vin, ruine sau un sentiment de obligaie.

Cnd mamele provoca involuntar fiicele lor s se simt responsabili pentru pierderile
lor i s mprteasc n durerea lor, creeaz o enmeshment disfuncional,
consolidarea vedere fiica c ea nu este vrednic de visele ei. i aceasta sprijin
punctul de vedere o fiica care durerea mamei ei trebuie s fie ntr-un fel vina ei.
Acest lucru poate paraliza o n att de multe feluri.

Pentru fetele crescut ntr-o cultur patriarhal, exist un sentiment de a trebui s


aleag ntre a fi mputernicit i de a fi iubit.

Darian Blake

Cele mai multe fiice alege s fie iubit n loc de abilitate deoarece exist un
sentiment de ru augur care pe deplin actualizat i mputernicit poate provoca o
pierdere grav de dragoste de la persoane importante din viaa lor, n special
mamele lor. Deci, femeile rmne mic i ne-ndeplinit, incontient care trece mama
nfurat la generaia urmtoare.

Ca o femeie, exist un sentiment vag, dar puternic, care mputernicire va rni


relatiile tale. i femeile sunt nvai s relaii de valoare pe orice altceva. Am aga
de firimiturile de relaiile noastre, n timp ce sufletele noastre pot fi profund dor
pentru ndeplinirea potenialului nostru. Dar adevrul este c doar relaiile noastre
nu se pot substitui n mod adecvat pentru foamea de a tri pe deplin viaa noastr.

Dinamica puterii n centrul relaiei mam / fiic este un subiect tabu, iar problema
de baz n centrul rana mamei.

O mare parte din acest trecut subteran din cauza multor tabuuri i stereotipurile
despre maternitate n aceast cultur:

Mamele sunt mereu cultivarea i iubitor


Mamele nu ar trebui s se simt furios sau resentimente fa de fiicele lor
Mamele i fiicele ar trebui s fie cei mai buni prieteni
Stereotipul "Toate mamele ar trebui s fie iubitor tot timpul" benzi de femei ale
umanitii lor deplin. Deoarece femeile nu sunt date permisiunea de a fi fiinte
umane complete, societatea se simte justificat n care nu prevede respectarea
deplin, sprijin i resurse pentru a mamelor.

Adevrul este c mamele sunt fiine umane i toate mamele cu momentele ONUiubitor. i e adevrat c exist mame care sunt pur i simplu ne-iubitoare cele mai
multe ori, fie din cauza dependenei, boli psihice sau alte lupte. Pn suntem dispui

s se confrunte cu aceste realiti incomode rana mama va fi n umbr i continu


s fie trecut prin generaii.

Toi avem n noi patriarhatul ntr-o anumit msur. Am avut s-l ingera pentru a
supravieui n aceast cultur. Cnd suntem gata s-l nfrunte pe deplin n noi
nine, avem, de asemenea se confrunta n altele, inclusiv mamele noastre. Acest
lucru poate fi una dintre cele mai sfietoare a toate situaiile trebuie s ne
confruntm. Dar dac nu suntem dispui s mergem acolo, pentru a aborda rana
mam, pltim un pre foarte mare pentru iluzia de pace i responsabilizare.

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Care este costul de a nu vindecare rana mam?

Costul nu vindecare rana mama triete viaa la infinit cu:

Un sentiment vag, persistent c "Nu e ceva n neregul cu mine"


Nu actualizarea potenialul tu de teama de eec sau dezaprobare
Avnd n limite slabe i un sentiment neclar de ce esti
Nu simt vrednic sau capabil de a crea ceea ce doriti cu adevarat
Nu simt suficient de sigur pentru a ocupa spaiu i voce adevarul
Aranjarea viaa ta n jurul valorii de "nu balansarea barca"
Auto-sabotaj cnd te apropii de un progres
Incontient de ateptare pentru permisiunea mamei sau aprobate inainte de
acordarea propria ta via.
Care este relaia dintre mam i rana feminin divin?

Exist o mulime de vorbi in aceste zile despre "care cuprinde divin feminin" i fiind
un "femeie trezit." Dar realitatea este c nu poate fi un recipient puternic al puterii

feminin divin, dac nu ne-am adresat nc locuri n noi n cazul n care ne-am simit
exilat i n exil de la feminin.

S recunoatem: Prima noastr enounter cu Zeia fost cu mamele noastre. Pn


cnd vom avea curajul de a rupe tabu i se confrunt cu durerea care le-am
experimentat n raport cu mamele noastre, femininul divin este o alt form de un
basm, o fantezie de salvare de o mama care nu vine. Acest lucru ne ine n
imaturitate spiritual. Trebuie s separe mama uman din arhetipul pentru a fi
adevrate purtatori ai acestei energii. Trebuie s de-a construi structurile defecte n
noi nainte de a putea construi cu adevrat noi structuri care s-l deine. Pn cnd
nu vom face acest lucru ne rmne blocat ntr-un fel de limbo n care mputernicire
nostru este de scurt durat i singura explicaie pentru situaia noastr, care pare
s aib sens este s ne vin.

Dac evita recunoscnd impactul complet al durerii mamei asupra vieii noastre, ne
rmn n continuare ntr-o anumit msur, copii.

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Intrarea n emanciparea deplin necesit uita la relaia noastr cu mamele noastre i


avnd curajul de a separa convingeri individuale propriile noastre, valori, gnduri de
la ei. Este nevoie de senzaie durerea de a avea de a asista la durerea mamelor
noastre ndurat i prelucrare propria noastr durere legitim pe care le ndurat ca un
rezultat. Acest lucru este att o provocare, dar este nceputul libertii reale.

Dup ce vom simi durerea poate fi transformat i va nceta crearea de obstacole n


vieile noastre.

Deci, ce se ntmpl cnd femeile se vindeca rana mam?

iza & Mary de gosia Janik

Aa cum am vindeca rana mam, dinamica puterii este din ce n ce rezolvat pentru
c femeile nu mai sunt cere o alta s rmn mici pentru a usura durerea lor.
Durerea de a tri n patriarhat nceteaz s mai fie tabu. Noi nu trebuie s pretindem
i s se ascund n spatele mtilor false care ascund durerea noastr sub o fatada
de efort se ine mpreun. Durerea poate fi vzut ca legitim, mbriat prelucrate
i integrate i n cele din urm transformate n nelepciune i putere.

Odat ce femeile procesa din ce n ce durerea rnii mam, putem crea locuri sigure
pentru femei pentru a exprima adevrul durerii lor i s primeasc sprijin att de
necesare. Mamele i fiicele pot comunica unul cu altul fr s se team c adevrul
a sentimentelor lor vor rupe relaia lor. Durerea nu mai are nevoie s mearg n
subteran i n umbr, n cazul n care se manifest ca manipulare, concurena i ura
de sine. Durere nostru poate fi ntristat pe deplin, astfel nct s se poate transforma
apoi n iubire, o iubire care se manifest sprijinul ca feroce unul de cellalt i
adncime acceptarea de sine, eliberndu-ne de a fi cu curaj autentic, creativ i cu
adevrat mplinit.

Via Mariana Suemi Hamaguchi

Cnd ne-am vindeca rana mam, ncepem s nelegem gradul uimitoare de impact
bunstarea mamei are asupra vieii copilului ei, mai ales in copilaria timpurie, atunci
cnd copilul i mama sunt nc o singur unitate. Mamele noastre constituie nsi
baza pe care am devenit: convingerile noastre ncepe ca convingerile sale,
obiceiurile noastre ncepe ca obiceiurile ei. O parte din acest lucru este att de
incontient i fundamental, este abia perceptibil.

Rana mama nu este n cele din urm despre mama ta. Este vorba despre
mbrind tine i darurile voastre fr ruine.

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Ne adresam rana mama, deoarece aceasta este o parte esenial a auto-actualizare


i spune DA pentru a fi puternice i puternice femei care suntem chemai s devin.
Vindecarea rana mamei este n cele din urm despre recunoaterea i onora
fundaia mamele noastre prevzute pentru vieile noastre, astfel nct s putem apoi

s se concentreze pe deplin asupra crerii vieii unice pe care le doresc autentic i


tiu suntem capabili de a crea.

Beneficiile vindecare rana mam:

Fiind mai fluent i specialist n manipularea emoiile voastre. Vznd-le ca o surs de


nelepciune i informaii.
Avnd n limite sntoase care sprijin actualizarea cea mai mare i cel mai bun de
sine
Dezvoltarea unei "mam interioar" solid care ofer dragoste necondiionat, sprijin
i confort pentru piesele tale mai tineri.
tiind-te ca competent. Simind c orice este posibil, deschis la minuni i toate
lucrurile bune
Fiind n contact permanent cu buntatea ta interioar i capacitatea dumneavoastr
de a aduce n tot ceea ce faci
Compasiune profund pentru tine si alte persoane
Nu luai-v prea n serios. Nu mai au nevoie de validare extern s se simt bine. Nu
au nevoie de a v dovedi altora.
ncredere n via pentru a v aduce ceea ce ai nevoie
Senzaie n condiii de siguran n propria piele i o libertate de a fi tu nsui.
Att de mult mai mult ...
Aa cum ne angajm n acest proces de vindecare, vom elimina ncet ceaa groas
de proiecie care ne ine blocat i se poate vedea mai clar, aprecia i ne iubesc. Noi
nu mai poarte povara durerii mamei i s pstreze ne mici, ca un rezultat.

Putem iei cu ncredere n propriile noastre viei, cu energia i vitalitatea de a crea


ceea ce dorim, fr ruine sau vinovie, ci cu pasiune, putere, bucurie, incredere,
iubire i.

Atunci cnd ploaia vine n tcere de Burcin Esin

Pentru fiecare fiin uman, prima rana a inimii a fost la locul mamei, femininul. i
prin procesul de vindecare care ranilor, inimile noastre absolvent de la o stare
compromis de defensiv i team la un nivel cu totul nou de dragoste i putere, care
ne conecteaza la inima divin a vieii. Suntem de atunci conectat la arhetipal inima,
colectiv care triete n toate fiinele, i sunt purttori i emitoare de adevrat
compasiune i dragoste c lumea are nevoie chiar acum. n acest fel, rana mam
este de fapt o oportunitate i o iniiere n feminin divin. De ce este att de important
pentru femei sa se vindece rana mamei: vindecarea ta personal i re-conectarea la
inima vieii, prin intermediul femininului, afecteaz ntreaga i sprijin evoluia
noastr colectiv.

Bethany Webster 2014

Predau un curs pe vindecare rana mam. Consultai pagina Evenimente pentru


preconizatei datele. De asemenea, stay tuned ca voi anuna noi oportuniti, viitoare
s lucreze cu mine personal pe vindecarea ranii mam!

Text original http://womboflight.com/healing-the-mother-wound/

About the Mother Wound


What many people do not realize is that the core issue at the center of womens
empowerment is the mother wound.

ElizabethBauman

Difficulty and challenges between mothers and daughters are rampant and
widespread but not openly spoken about. The taboo about speaking about the pain

of the mother wound is what keeps it in place and keeps it hidden in shadow,
festering and out of view.

What exactly is the mother wound?

The mother wound is the pain of being a woman passed down through generations
of women in patriarchal cultures. And it includes the dysfunctional coping
mechanisms that are used to process that pain.

The mother wound includes the pain of:

Comparison: not feeling good enough


Shame: consistent background sense that there is something wrong with you
Attenuation: Feeling you must remain small in order to be loved
Persistent sense of guilt for wanting more than you currently have
The mother wound can manifest as:

Not being your full self because you dont want to threaten others
Having a high tolerance for poor treatment from others
Emotional care-taking
Feeling competitive with other women
Self-sabotage
Being overly rigid and dominating
Conditions such as eating disorders, depression and addictions
untitled by fatma gultekin

In our patriarchal, male-dominated culture women are conditioned to think of


themselves as less-than and not deserving or worthy. This feeling of less-than
has been internalized and passed down through countless generations of women.

The cultural atmosphere of female oppression puts daughters in a double bind.

Simply put, if a daughter internalizes her mothers unconscious beliefs (which is


some subtle form of Im not good enough) then she has her mothers approval but
has in some way betrayed herself and her potential.

However, if she doesnt internalize her mothers unconscious beliefs in her own
limitations but rather affirms her own power and potential, she is aware that her
mother may unconsciously see this as a personal rejection.

The daughter doesnt want to risk losing her mothers love and approval, so
internalizing these limiting, unconscious beliefs is a form of loyalty and emotional
survival for the daughter.

It may feel dangerous for a woman to actualize her full potential because it may
mean risking some form of rejection by her mother.

Mother and daughter USA 1956 Photo- Leonard Freed

This is because the daughter may unconsciously sense that her full empowerment
may trigger the mothers sadness or rage at having had to give up parts of herself in
her own life. Her compassion for her mother, a desire to please her, and a fear of
conflict may cause her to convince herself that its safer to shrink and remain small.

A common objection to facing the mother wound is to Let the past be in the past.
However, we never truly escape or bury the past. It lives in the present as the
obstacles and challenges that we face every day. If we avoid dealing with the pain
associated with one of THE most primary and foundational relationships in our lives,

we are missing a pivotal opportunity to discover the truth of who we are and to
authentically and joyfully live that truth.

Stereotypes that perpetuate the mother wound:

Look at everything your mother did for you! (from other people)
My mother sacrificed so much for me. I would be so selfish to do what she could not
do. I dont want to make her feel bad.
I owe loyalty to my mother no matter what. If I upset her, she will think I dont
value her.
The daughter may experience fears about fulfilling her potential because she may
fear leaving her mother behind. She may fear her mother feeling threatened by her
dreams or ambitions. She may fear uncomfortable feelings from her mother such as
envy or anger. All of this is usually very unconscious and not openly acknowledged
or talked about.

We all have sensed the pain that our mothers carry. And all of us are suspicious to
some degree that we are partly to blame for her pain. Therein lies the guilt. This
makes sense when considering the limited cognitive development of a child, which
sees itself as the cause of all things. If we dont address this unconscious belief as
an adult, we may still be walking around with it and greatly limiting ourselves as a
result.

The truth is that no child can save her mother.

No sacrifice a daughter makes will ever be enough to compensate for the high price
her mother may have had to pay or for the losses she has accrued over the years,
simply by being a woman and mother in this culture. And yet, this is what many
women do for their mothers very early on in childhood: they unconsciously make a
decision to not abandon or betray their mothers by becoming too successful, too
smart or too adventurous. This decision is made out of love, loyalty and a true
need for approval and emotional support from the mother.

Many of us confuse being loyal to our mothers with being loyal to their wounds, and
thus, complicit in our own oppression.

kellie hatcher

These dynamics are very unconscious and they operate on a continuum. Even the
most healthy, supportive mother/daughter relationships may have this dynamic to
some degree by virtue of simply being women in this society. And for daughters who
have mothers with serious issues (addictions, mental illness, etc.) the impact is can
be very damaging and insidious.

Mothers must take responsibility and grieve their losses.

Being a mother in our society is unspeakably difficult. Ive heard many women say
No one ever tells you how hard it is and Nothing prepares you for when you get
home with the baby and realize what is being asked of you. Our culture, especially
the U.S., is very hard on mothers, offering little support and many are raising
children alone.

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Our societys unspoken messages to mothers:

If motherhood is difficult then its your own fault.


Shame on you if youre not super-human.
There are natural mothers for whom motherhood is easy. If you are not one of
these, there is something deeply wrong with you.
Youre supposed to be capable of handling it all with ease: having well-behaved
children, being sexually attractive, having a successful career, and a solid marriage.
For mothers who have indeed sacrificed so much to have children in our culture, it
can truly feel like a rejection when your child surpasses or exceeds the dreams you
thought possible for yourself. There may be a sense of feeling owed, entitled to or

needing to be validated by your children, which can be a very subtle but powerful
manipulation. This dynamic can cause the next generation of daughters to keep
themselves small so that their mothers can continue to feel validated and affirmed
in their identity as a mother, an identity that many have sacrificed so much for, but
received so little support and recognition for in return.

Mothers may unconsciously project deep rage towards their children in subtle ways.
However, the rage really isnt towards the children. The rage is towards the
patriarchal society that requires women to sacrifice and utterly deplete themselves
in order to mother a child.

And for a child who needs her mother, sacrificing herself in an effort to somehow
ease her mothers pain is often a subconscious decision made very early in life and
not discovered as the cause of underlying issues until much later when she is an
adult.

The mother wound exists because there is not a safe place for mothers to process
their rage about the sacrifices that society has demanded of them. And because
daughters still unconsciously fear rejection for choosing not to make those same
sacrifices as previous generations.

In our society, there is no safe place for a mother to vent her rage. And so often it
comes out unconsciously to ones children. A daughter is a very potent target for a
mothers rage because the daughter has not yet had to give up her personhood for
motherhood. The young daughter may remind the mother of her un-lived potential.
And if the daughter feels worthy enough to reject some of the patriarchal mandates
that the mother has had to swallow, then she can easily trigger that underground
rage for the mother.

Matt Wisniewski

Of course, most mothers want what is best for their daughters. However, if a mother
has not dealt with her own pain or come to terms with the sacrifices she has had to
make, than her support for her daughter may be laced with traces of messages that
subtly instill shame, guilt or obligation. They can seep out in the most benign
situations, usually in some form of criticism or some form of bringing praise back to

the mother. Its not usually the content of the statement, but rather the energy with
which it is conveyed that can carry hidden resentment.

The way for a mother to prevent directing her rage to her daughter and passing
down the mother wound, is for the mother to fully grieve and mourn her own losses.
And to make sure that she is not relying on her daughter as her main source of
emotional support.

Mothers must mourn what they had to give up, what they wanted but will never
have, what their children can never give them and the injustice of their situation.
However, as unjust and unfair as it is, it is not the responsibility of the daughter to
make amends for the mothers losses or to feel obligated to sacrifice herself in the
same ways. For mothers, It takes tremendous strength and integrity to do this. And
mothers need support in this process.

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Mothers liberate their daughters when they consciously process their own pain
without making it their daughters problem. In this way, mothers free their
daughters to pursue their dreams without guilt, shame or a sense of obligation.

When mothers unwittingly cause their daughters to feel responsible for their losses
and to share in their pain, it creates a dysfunctional enmeshment, reinforcing the
daughters view that she is not worthy of her dreams. And this supports a
daughters view that her mothers pain must somehow be her fault. This can cripple
her in so many ways.

For daughters growing up in a patriarchal culture, there is a sense of having to


choose between being empowered and being loved.

Darian Blake

Most daughters choose to be loved instead of empowered because there is an


ominous sense that being fully actualized and empowered may cause a grave loss of
love from important people in their lives, specifically their mothers. So women stay
small and un-fulfilled, unconsciously passing the mother wound to the next
generation.

As a woman, there is a vague but powerful sense that your empowerment will injure
your relationships. And women are taught to value relationships over everything
else. We cling to the crumbs of our relationships, while our souls may be deeply
longing for the fulfillment of our potential. But the truth is that our relationships
alone can never adequately substitute for the hunger to live our lives fully.

The power dynamic at the center of the mother/daughter relationship is a taboo


subject and the core issue at the center of the mother wound.

Much of this goes underground because of the many taboos and stereotypes about
motherhood in this culture:

Mothers are always nurturing and loving


Mothers should never feel angry or resentful towards their daughters
Mothers and daughters are supposed to be best friends
The stereotype of All mothers should be loving all the time strips women of their
full humanity. Because women are not given permission to be full human beings,
society feels justified in not providing full respect, support and resources to mothers.

The truth is that mothers are human beings and all mothers having un-loving
moments. And its true that there are mothers who are simply un-loving most of the
time, whether because of addiction, mental illness or other struggles. Until we are
willing to face these uncomfortable realities the mother wound will be in shadow and
continue to be passed through the generations.

We all have patriarchy in us to some degree. Weve had to ingest it to survive in this
culture. When were ready to confront it fully in ourselves, we also confront it in
others, including our mothers. This can be one of the most heart-wrenching of all

situations we must face. But unless we are willing to go there, to address the mother
wound, we are paying a very high price for the illusion of peace and empowerment.

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What is the cost of not healing the mother wound?

The cost of not healing the mother wound is living your life indefinitely with:

A vague, persistent sense that Theres something wrong with me


Never actualizing your potential out of fear of failure or disapproval
Having weak boundaries and an unclear sense of who you are
Not feeling worthy or capable of creating what you truly desire
Not feeling safe enough to take up space and voice your truth
Arranging your life around not rocking the boat
Self-sabotage when you get close to a breakthrough
Unconsciously waiting for mothers permission or approval before claiming your own
life.
Whats the relationship between the mother wound and the divine feminine?

Theres a lot of talk these days about embodying the divine feminine and being an
awakened woman. But the reality is that we cannot be a strong container of the
power of the divine feminine if we have not yet addressed the places within us
where we have felt banished and in exile from the Feminine.

Lets face it: Our first enounter with the Goddess was with our mothers. Until we
have the courage to break the taboo and face the pain we have experienced in
relation to our mothers, the divine feminine is another form of a fairy tale, a fantasy
of rescue by a mother who is not coming. This keeps us in spiritual immaturity. We
have to separate the human mother from the archetype in order to be true carriers

of this energy. We have to de-construct the faulty structures within us before we can
truly build new structures to hold it. Until we do this we remain stuck in a kind of
limbo where our empowerment is short-lived and the only explanation for our
predicament that seems to make sense is to blame ourselves.

If we avoid acknowledging the full impact of our mothers pain on our lives, we still
remain to some degree, children.

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Coming into full empowerment requires looking at our relationship with our mothers
and having the courage to separate out our own individual beliefs, values, thoughts
from hers. It requires feeling the grief of having to witness the pain our mothers
endured and processing our own legitimate pain that we endured as a result. This is
so challenging but it is the beginning of real freedom.

Once we feel the pain it can be transformed and it will cease creating obstacles in
our lives.

So what happens when women heal the mother wound?

iza & mary by gosia janik

As we heal the mother wound, the power dynamic is increasingly resolved because
women are no longer asking one another to stay small to ease their own pain. The
pain of living in patriarchy ceases to be taboo. We dont have to pretend and hide
behind false masks that hide our pain under a facade of effortlessly holding it
together. The pain can then be seen as legitimate, embraced, processed and
integrated and ultimately transformed into wisdom and power.

Once women increasingly process the pain of the mother wound, we can create safe
places for women to express the truth of their pain and receive much needed
support. Mothers and daughters can communicate with one another without fear

that the truth of their feelings will break their relationship. The pain no longer needs
to go underground and into shadow, where it manifests as manipulation,
competition and self-hatred. Our pain can be grieved fully so that it can then turn
into love, a love that manifests as fierce support of one another and deep selfacceptance, freeing us to be boldly authentic, creative and truly fulfilled.

Via Mariana Suemi Hamaguchi

When we heal the mother wound, we begin to grasp the stunning degree of impact a
mothers well-being has on the life of her child, especially in early childhood when
the child and mother are still a single unit. Our mothers form the very basis of who
we become: our beliefs start out as her beliefs, our habits start out as her habits.
Some of this is so unconscious and fundamental, it is barely perceptible.

The mother wound is ultimately not about your mother. Its about embracing
yourself and your gifts without shame.

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We address the mother wound because it is a critical part of self-actualization and


saying YES to being the powerful and potent women that we are being called to
become. Healing the mother wound is ultimately about acknowledging and honoring
the foundation our mothers provided for our lives so that we can then fully focus on
creating the unique lives that we authentically desire and know we are capable of
creating.

Benefits of healing the mother wound:

Being more fluent and skilled in handling your emotions. Seeing them as a source of
wisdom and information.
Having healthy boundaries that support the actualization of your highest and best
self

Developing a solid inner mother that provides unconditional love, support and
comfort to your younger parts.
Knowing yourself as competent. Feeling that anything is possible, open to miracles
and all good things
Being in constant contact with your inner goodness and your ability to bring it into
everything you do
Deep compassion for yourself and other people
Not taking yourself too seriously. No longer needing external validation to feel OK.
Not needing to prove yourself to others.
Trusting life to bring you what you need
Feeling safe in your own skin and a freedom to be yourself.
So much more
As we engage in this healing process, we slowly remove the thick fog of projection
that keeps us stuck and can more clearly see, appreciate and love ourselves. We no
longer carry the burden of our mothers pain and keep ourselves small as a result.

We can confidently emerge into our own lives, with the energy and vitality to create
what we desire without shame or guilt, but with passion, power, joy, confidence, and
love.

When The Rain Comes In Silence by Burin Esin

For every human being, the very first wound of the heart was at the site of the
mother, the feminine. And through the process of healing that wound, our hearts
graduate from a compromised state of defensiveness and fear to a whole new level
of love and power, which connects us to the divine heart of Life itself. We are from
then on connected to the archetypal, collective heart that lives in all beings, and are
carriers and transmitters of true compassion and love that the world needs right
now. In this way, the mother wound is actually an opportunity and an initiation into
the divine feminine. This is why its so crucial for women to heal the mother wound:
Your personal healing and re-connection to the heart of life, by way of the feminine,
affects the whole and supports our collective evolution.

Bethany Webster 2014

I teach a course on healing the mother wound. See Events page for upcoming dates.
Also, stay tuned as Ill be announcing new, upcoming opportunities to work with me
personally on healing the mother wound!